Kittens and the ER

Sadly, Professor McGonagall hasn't been doing well since we picked her up from her not-so-home-away-from-home where she stayed whilst Dr. J and I went to Dallas for Christmas. Last night she was pretty immobile, had a fever and was in a lot of pain, so at about 7:30 we called it, and off we went to the 24 hour vet.

Two x-rays and some prodding later, we didn't know much and opted out of doing additional blood work since the x-rays fully absorbed our Christmas moneys. We left with about two weeks worth of antibiotics and pain killers for her. I was less nervous giving her meds than I've ever been with a cat, because she is so good and I'm usually able to get the pills down. The cats. Not down me.

Presumptuous. I think she actually laid awake all night plotting.

I think the drop went down. After a half dozen efforts with the pill, it had turned into a slimy mush and was all over her mouth/nose/face. She spent a full 10 minutes afterwards producing thick drool that draped from either side of her mouth, protestesting that we can't actually make her take medication that she doesn't want to take. When I got home today there were still bubbly ringlets sprinkled on the floor throughout the kitchen. I can only imagine how long the sputtering continued.

She is supposed to not participate in physical activity for a week per doctors orders. Specifically, no jumping on furniture - I assume this also includes no heavy lifting on her part. Are there actually people out there that know how to accomodate this request? I picked her up off the bed this morning and sat her on the ground when she woke up. She turned around and looked at me like ...what just happened??? Worse still, I hardly even knew how to explain it to her.

They should put that on the box.

With all the warnings that come on boxes these days ... you know, don't use the hairdryer in the bathtub, don't eat the box, etc ... it seems unfair to be selective.

Just in case this happens to you .... too ... the slow roasted turkey with gravy and mashed potatoes  frozen entree should be sat flat on the table while eating it.  Because when you try and pick up a slice of turkey with your fork and you are only holding the tray in your hand, you will soon find that  the majority of the entree will be on the entire front of your wardrobe.   And this will happen when you are wearing a white sweater.  And when you still have a class to teach.  

Overdue NY Update

Ok so this post isn't really going to be worthy of our very adventurous trip to NYC (where we sat on the front row at Letterman, ahem) but I really couldn't go another day without sharing.

Here we are returning from a long day of sightseeing .... me (photographer not pictured), Ashley (not pictured), Dr. J and his new NY subway BFF.

I'm still laughing. I can't believe it took me a week to get this up!!!

New York, watch out!

As much as I'd love avoiding looking like a tourist, I'd much rather slap a backpack on Dr. J and have access to aleve, handiwipes, and a Nutrigrain bar if need be. So we are taking off on Thursday after work and returning on Tuesday. I'm so swamped trying to get caught up from the last day I was gone, and now I'll be out for two days. EEEEK!

So the awesome news is that Dr. J and I, along with our travel companions, all got tickets to the Late Show with David Letterman on Monday! And we are totally going to see The Today Show on Monday morning (7:00 a.m. EST, 11/3). Looks like my 15 minutes of fame are predictably around the corner! Hopefully I won't do anything to completely embarass myself, but then again, what good is a trip to New York if you're not gonna check your self respect at the state line!

Oh and Adam is running a marathon or something while we are there. Go Adam! I am so gonna watch that with a Soy Hazelnut Venti Latte and a giant croissant in hand.

This is a mind blowing quote

On my google homepage today ....


There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.

- Richard Feynman

no words.

Things I'm not Really Proud of, but not so much that I'm willing to change

I sometimes drink from the milk jug.

I will eat food that I drop on the table / floor. No 3 second rule for me.

I haven't swept the house in over a month.

I like to make Professor McGonagall smell strong smelling objects because she makes a funny face and twitches.

When my students aren't around, I absolutely laugh at them.

I correct people's grammar in my head.

I'm a closet Gossip Girl addict. I love it.

Coulda been worse

I fell down at school today.  I immediately flashed to all the times that my mother has called to tell me that she fell down at school/walking/wherever.   Honestly I don't even bat an eyelash anymore because, let's face it, she's clumsy.  Sorry mom, but you fall a lot.  It's not normal.  Maybe it's all the soap you eat.

What made my tumble worse was that there was no one nearby that I knew.  Then we all could have laughed wildly.  Absolutely everyone that saw was a complete stranger.  And 18.  So they laughed after I left.  I'm probably on You Tube.  The custodians had just mopped and I was in my not-so-traction-saavy flip flops.  I hydroplaned in the hallway in front of my room and landed in a front herkie.  Except not so smiley and with less bows.  I popped right up like a champ, in fact ... now that I think about it, the onlookers probably thought I was break dancing.  I should have started singing some Flashdance.  Don't you hate you think of those things too late?

The wound count topped out with 3:  1)  the skin on the top of 4 toes on my left foot is gone. 2)  gash in my right fore-arm and blood (the worst).  Spiderman is currently taking care of that one.  3)  Pride, obviously.  *4) holding on to rights to add bruise to my arm / tailbone that is sure to surface by morning.

The up side is that I probably won't have to shave my left foot this weekend :)  That and I'm making my premier on You Tube.

Coughs and vomit

Enticing, no?

I have a cough as I do at least once a year.  It lasts forever and drives me nuts.  

On another note, I hosted a jewelry party at my house recently - something I was pretty sure I'd never do, but I thought, what the hey, let's go nuts.  A piece that I ordered from the collection came in broken so I wanted to order a different piece in it's place.  Everything is under warranty, so that should be simple enough, right?  

I'm sure it would be except when I went to hunt down the catalog I couldn't find it at first, but then I noticed some pureed looking catfood sitting atop the desk in our office.  Atop what appeared to be a few pages of what was once a magazine of some sort ... except that a good 30 pages had been eaten away in a ring like pattern.  Eaten away like only a strong acid can...

It appears The Professor seems to be having a little trouble with some hairballs.  Ones that may or may not have come up on the jewelry magazine.  

Old license plate anyone?

A friend of mine is trying to collect old license plates ... something about a gift, i dunno. I just got my new plates here in SC but destroyed my old one literally days before she asked. You guys are literally spread out all over the continental US so surely we can pull a few out.

She is missing quite a few states ... the list is below. If you can help, lemme know!

Alaska Arkansas Connecticut Delaware Florida Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Mississippi Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Utah Vermont Virginia Washington Wyoming

This should answer all of your questions about why I am so ... far from the norm

So I was talking on the phone to my mom the other day and in the middle of one of my stories, Mom starts making this, " pht phhhht bl phhhhhhht pleh pleh I though they plehh phhhht ... I thought they were giving ... phtttt pleh " sounds on the other end of the line.

Me: Mom? What are you doing? You thought they were giving you what?

Mom: Phhht, blpht pleh I thought they were pht pley giving me something to eat

Me: What? You thought who was giving you something to eat? What did they give you?

Mom: A bar of soap

[A full 45 seconds of guffawing laughter follows before I can muster the strength to continue. ]

Me: Where are you Mom?

Mom: I'm at the mall

My father then gets on the phone to clarify what happened. Dad says, "You know those Organic Salt of the Earth Kiosks that are always passing out lotions samples? We pass one and they have this tray full of two inch BLOCKS of soap, and your mother takes one and pops it in her mouth like candy."

Incidentally the people that work at those booths are always foreign. I can only imagine how impressed they were with the American way.

My mother will herein be referred to as the soapeater.

And as a side note, my dad wouldn't give my mom any money to go get something to eat (to get the taste out of her mouth) because she already ate.

But he got a sandwich.

There are days when i wish I could tell student stories

I stay away from this topic even though my kids make me really, really laugh. I just don't want to inadvertently offend anyone. But today, I read an essay "about me" that just cracked me up. Something about that she "no longer had any pets because they had all been murdered with rubbing alcohol or left in another country" and that in a list of her favorite things to do she included "spilling things".

she's like the daughter i never had. a divine force has brought us together.

Because obviously, this is the logical conclusion

A wonderful friend of mine here really makes me laugh. She makes me laugh, unlike I have probably laughed since I was 12 and we thought it was downright hilarious to make animal noises in the cafeteria. And after a year of Katie eating the cracker part of my ritz peanut butter sandwhich crackers, Emily pointed out to Katie that I had already licked the peanut butter off of the crackers. Now that really was funny. I'm not really all that clear on why we thought those animal noises were so great though. I think I did the monkey sound. It's all kinda fuzzy now. It is becoming more apparent by the day just why I was just so insecure.

Anyway, my friend and I were out walking the other day and this car was inching along behind us like it was going to pull into the driveway that we were about to cross. Isn't that always the case? Well, it didn't pull in there, and it continued to inch along behind us, so my friend turns her head 180 degrees around and immediately EXCLAIMS

and I do mean exclaims ...

"Hey there's a dog driv- !!!!

[Short pause]

... oh my God I'm so embarrassed!!!"

In the midst of my FITS of laughter I was able to see the dog. Sitting in their owner's lap. Not driving.

10 points and a pat on the back if you live in Columbia and you know who said this.

Keep quiet and no one gets hurt.

Yesterday a friend of mine offered to give me some hostas that her parents had brought her. We have a particularly shady backyard and have a hard time getting anything to grow well. Fortunately, hostas seem to like it. After church, Dr. J and I went to retrieve the hostas (because I was too lazy to go and pick them up on Saturday like I said I would and watched hours of Veronica Mars and the Olympics instead).

Returning home with 5 hostas riding in the backseat the conversation went something like this:

Dr J: So what are we going to do with the hostages?

Me: [bursting fit of laughter]

Dr J: Fine, alright, how do you pronounce it?

Me: Hossssss-tas. I think we outta tie em up, blindfoldem and put em in the garage.

Dr J: It must be my Colombian nature

Hostas crying in high pitched squeals from the back: Let us go! You have no right to keep us here! You'll be sorry!!

Not to be missed

Sometimes I just get on my knees and thank God for local officials.

Check it.

I particularly am fond of the third paragraph from the end wherein they list other names that have been restricted from usage by other crack-head parents.

No up-down! Go side-side! Oh that we could all have Mr. Miyagi's wisdom

The first half of 2008 has turned out to be quite eventful for us, not so much in a good way and mostly through no fault of our own. Sure, I could have eaten more green vegetables when I was a lass, but I always thought I could make do just with the minimum required bites. In any case, much of the turmoil of this year has been rather financially straining, and we've mananged, but now I'm thinking I may need to revive the Misfit Fund (you know, the money most people set aside for a rainy day but that I keep in reserve for when I make bad decisions).

I will say that the Typical Me stories have died down a bit since I've gotten married. Maybe I actually don't leave the house as much, leaving less room for public embarrassment. Mom came in town this week and since Dr. J won't let me get a tatoo (another story, another day), I am in need of some other sort of change and decided it would be a great time to color my hair. I've always had the attitude of It's Just Hair so we opted just to go the highlights-in-a-box route. The mere fact that I am blogging about this should be some indication of how wise was this decision.

Our selection: Clairol's Herbal Essences- Shade on Shade Highlights. Check out the deceptively menacing pink plastic comb in the picture. A lesser man would have shyed away from such an applicator, but not us. We were undaunted even by the 10 very detailed "hints to great highlights" (aka ways we think you will probably screw up). We danced around at least a few of those. But a little dancing goes a long way, and in the end, it's just you and the spoils of your labor.

Looking back it really could have been much worse. My hair could have fallen out, I could have gotten third degrees burns on my scalp, the excess could have spilled onto my cat, each possibility more horrific than the one before. To only be left with a patchwork of gold/orange, complete with 3-inch diameter solid gold discs of hair just above each of my ears ... well, someone upstairs was just plain watching over me.

And then, just to kick me while I was already down, I got hit by the meter maid with a parking ticket while I was at the stylist today "recovering".

Thuggery in the Shrubbery

I would have blogged about this sooner ... but, well, you'll see...



Monday was the beginning of my two weeks of summer completely free of committment. I was so excited! I had my week planned full of things like do some reading for school (that never ends), have lunch with friends, you know ... things I never have time for. The only thing I needed to do was go to the dentist Monday morning. I left at 11:35 a.m. and returned about 12:20 p.m.

As soon as I pulled into the drivewayI could tell the door was ajar, the door frame was broken (this is where I did something stupid) so I took off running into the house. I know. Really, really dumb. Breathe easy, the thugs had already come and gone ... leaving the absence of our home computer, my work computer, and our bedroom tv. Pretty much the ONLY things of value we even own. I hope they fully appreciate the HOURS AND MONTHS AND YEARS of my life they now have in their possession in the form of everything I have ever created for my classroom. Please, dear thieves, let it not go to waste.

That's where I almost vomited. Fortunately, I backed up my work computer during spring break, but since my burner wasn't working at the end of the year, I lost a few months. Dr. J had our music, photos and home computer backed up on the external hard drive. I beg of all of you to do the same if you haven't already.

The fallout and drama isn't completely over, but we're working on it.

Irritating? Yes. Devastating? No.

Another year better

I called my mom to tell her that her youngest daugher is thirty years old. Because that makes someone else sound old, not me. She replies, "I think of it more like my friend is closer to my age".

If you know me, you know I'm not much for sappy lines. But ... AWWWWWWWWWWW!

My mom rocks.

What do you want for your 30th birthday?

A few years ago, I decided to embrace the fact that the, or at least a, major summer blockbuster released on or within a few days of my birthday. Since then, I've had a Spiderman party, Superman party, (see releases on or near 6.30 since 2002) last year the theme practically wrote itself with the release of the 4th in the DH series, Live Free or Die Hard ... into 29.

This is actually a great summer for movies and I've missed them all so far, including Get Smart which I've been anticipating since I was about 7 years old. It couldn't truly be a birthday movie because they released it too early, curses!! Gettin Smart in my 30s, could've been great, alas, it was not to be.

The choices for this weekend are two-fold, Wall-E and Wanted. Which makes the possible themes "Wanted: Decade 3" or "Up Against a Wall-E: 30 and Counting". Darn them for putting James McAvoy in one of them and making the choice practically select itself; I'm so glad to know he'll have a happier ending than Atonement. Dang, I just teared up again over that movie.

And I always get popcorn at the birthday movie. It's in the by-laws.

What would you vote for?

Exhausted

To gear up for one of my two weeks of works this summer, I went to Colombia for 12 days, came home, had a houseguest for 4 days during which time we went to Asheville and toured Biltmore, and made a chocolate cake for J's thirty third birthday. Saturday morning, Dr. J and I got up about 3 a.m. for a 6 a.m. flight out of Charlotte (it seemed like a good idea at the time!). I barely remember either flight to Pittsburgh. After we got here, we checked into the hotel downtown and noticed there was an arts festival going on a few blocks away. After unpacking, we visited there and because we are such cool and hip young folk, we opted to go visit the Science Museum rather than hit a Pirates game (even though we are only a few blocks from the stadium).

Jealous much? You didn't get to use hands-on activities to determine the most effecient airfoil shape, now did you? hmm???? HMMMM???? that's what I thought.

After all that good fun, I slept almost 15 hours last night. That's more than twice what I usually get. Poor Dr. J decided to work this morning while waiting on me to wake up instead of going to get breakfast. And he waited. And waited.

Incidentally, I LOVED my darling houseguest and we had a blast! Please come back someday!!!

You know how parents will worry about you no matter how old you are?

Not mine!!!!!! Guess how many emails / blog posts / phone calls / any-form-of-modern-or-otherwise-communication I have recieved from my parents?? Let's count 'em ...

NADA. That's Na. Da.

I'm sure the concern for my safety is buried deep, deep within them, which falls under We Have Our Own Lives Now That Our Children Are Grown, Category 9b: We Have a Dog Now.

Yes I know today is father's day. I hope the puppy gets Daddy something nice.

Mosquitos

I have so many mosquito bites on my feet / legs / arms that one of my ankles has entirely disappeared into swell. I have cankles from the mosquitos. Not to mention cankles covered in red circles with a dot in the middle.

This was the result of the asado (BBQ) yesterday, which was great and we taught lots of colombian women to play Nertz. And man can those ladies CHEAT! Within minutes of telling them the "one hand" rule, they had family members - multiple - backing them up four and five hands all playing for them. But they can suck it because I still won!! HAH! I would have shown mercy if it weren't for all the flagrant cheating.

On vacation day 1. I was only conscious for a total of 7 hours yesterday

Sleeping in, the two hour nap, and early to bed just doesn't leave much time for being awake.

I'm back in ColOmbia; the origins of this here blog. You either join the alzheimer-like pace here or you go nuts trying not to. Hey, if you can't beat em ...

Two of our adventurous friends are joining us tonight. This is the first time to bring an outsider into our little foreign fog. Kinda scary for us, but probably moreso for them. They get mad props for braving the Other America; it's certainly going to be an experience, one way or the other.

Things I have missed since my last visit; the food here is so good and all so fresh. Also, the culture here always keeps at least one servant in the house to cook all the meals and clean up after you, clean the house, do your laundry, make your bed, bring you coffee in the afternoon. The first time I came I felt a huge amount of guilt about it. That passed because, really, who doesn't want to be waited on hand and foot. For vacation purposes it so SO relaxing!! And, thankfully, it opens up more time for important things like the 2 hour nap i took yesterday. Don't blame me for being lazy, it's exhausting pretending to speak spanish all the time. I'm such a poser.

Morphing into my parents. Chapter Three hundred and twenty two

Saturday, I met a bunch of my students up at school to finish building a roller coaster that we will be taking to Carowinds next week for a competition. I have this nagging feeling that it's going to be disqualified somehow because the rules are so vague, but at least we tried. The coaster doesn't have to be backed with design drawings or calculations, so it's really been designed from trial and error. "Trial and error design" is a nice way of saying we wasted a lot of materials in the process and it doesn't remotely look like what we were going for, but hey.

Anyway, we were getting the finishing "touches" on the structure Saturday morning (AKA it didn't work in the least and something had to be done). Hands were everywhere ... once something worked, it got drilled and screwed together ... something else functions properly ... more drilling ... more screwing (in the power tool sense of the word.) (not that power tool.) The last hand was taken away and the wall of the track was screwed onto the support. Alas, it was time to see if it was entirely functional and independent.

The pinball was dropped ...

and it ran smooth...

Until it got to that last screw"ey" spot.

We ran it a few more times and realized that the person had been twisting the track when they held it, so we needed to re-twist it. Hmm ... twist it ... how to ... ... just need to push the base of the track slightly away from the post ... and if ... and it hit me like a mac truck. I took a page from my father's Book of Life and folded a piece of paper in half about 4 times and stuffed it between the base of the track and the supporting post.

How bittersweet it was when it worked.

Immediately, I had flashes of folded up pieces of paper shoved into every rattling crevice of every car dashboard we ever owned. Our family station wagon was a poster child for the plethora of uses of 3M products.

So, here's to you dad. If only today had been Father's Day.

Traumatized.

Well, I'm not so much but Ashley would have been, if she had been me ... bra shopping at Belk, when the pushy 85 year old lady came walking in to the dressing room to see how my bra fit. And then told me to try on the other size. And then stepped back. To wait for me to change.

(crickets chirping, pins dropping)

"Honey, I been doin' this 25 yeers and you ain't got nothin' I hadn' seen before!"

Gulp.




(incidentally, who knew I'd have two posts about bras inside of a week! hooo-yah!)

The dinner party that crosses cultural lines ... or maybe just generations

I made this dessert for a dinner party on Friday night. Occasionally, all the Colombians in town gather. I pass a few hours fumbling through my rugged Spanish and trying not to embarass myself during the evening. It wasn't exactly formal, nor was the dessert, and I've been short on time because of the online classes and houseguests. Which is why I made something simple, and just barely in time for it to be cooked before we had to leave.

The dessert was something similar to lemon squares, harder crust on the bottom, softer layer on top, in spite of the rush I took the time to sprinkle it with cocoa and powdered sugar all over the top. I wanted to cut it into squares, but short on time, we took it as it was in the 9 x 13 cooking pan. As we were going through the buffet to get food, the hostess wanted to cut it, but said she was worried about cutting the pan. I was worried too when I turned around to see her about to dig in with a 12" steak knife. I told her that no, it was soft, and a normal dinner knife would be able to do the job. Either she didn't own a normal dinner knife, or she disagreed with me because the next thing I know is that she has flipped the entire dessert upside down onto a cooling rack instataneously putting a 9" x 13" dusting of cocoa and powdered sugar on the countertop. The soft topping was moments away from gravity turning the whole thing into pressed garlic.

What did I do? What would you do?

Hey friends ...

Remember when you were all whispering behind my back about whether I was ever going to get married or not? With the onset of ... count'em ... NINE babies in my sunday school class this year and more pregnant, 5 friends from college (several on their second babies), 3 friends from St. Louis ... no wait ... 4 .... yikes. That's a lot of gerber. And a lot more poop.

Whisper away, little parents. I still gotta beat my own drum.

I used the phrase "stuff your bra" in a faculty presentation today

How many of you can say that?

I feel as though I have officially shed the last of my shell that I lived in until 7th grade. Who knew that someday that fragile little bumpkin would be brave enough to speak in front of a crowd, let alone make a public poke about stuffing your bra with recycleable materials on Green Day? Ok ... so it was funnier in person. And yeah, that's what it was about.

I didn't say it was a good joke.

Accepting donations

Nothing was stolen. Our brilliant plan to hang onto the hand-me-down TV has finally paid off! Well, I guess I would really like it to pay for the damage to the wall and the door frame that was split in half, but that's probably asking too much. Nothing stood in the way of the would-be burglar on Friday except that perhaps our collection of electronics was a bit disappointing for his pawn-shop-resale taste. Dr. J got a call from the security company saying the alarm went off and were we at home. He then called me to find out what I had done. As likely as it is for me to leave a door ajar or something equally ridiculous, this time, I didn't do a thing and had only been gone for about 15 minutes. Dr. J raced home only to find a couple of Columbia's finest sneaking their way into our house, guns drawn. Way to go, blue.

That was almost one month exactly after the surgery. I'm just holding my breath for the festivities at the end of April. With any hope, maybe we can drain our entire savings in a single year.

GRRRRRR ....

Will someone explain to me what was going through my head when I scheduled a dentist appointment for 7 am in the middle of spring break?!!??

Nmmeeph?

Rachel, there's still a tag on the bottom of that cute pump you were wearing. The right one.

I meant to tell you right after class except I was distracted by the oldest woman on the planet.

I say this because a) Rachel doesn't embarrass easily and knows how to laugh at herself. And at me. Thank God. You can only have so squares in your life and I max out around 2. What's so great about being perfect anyway, I ask you? b) It's important that friends are the ones that tell you when you have spinach between your teeth, your shirt on backwards, your fly undone ... there is nothing worse that helping give directions to someone that pulls up in your driveway lost only to have that person tell you that you have a booger hanging out your nose. And then tell you that you didn't get it. You still didn't get it. And then just back out of your driveway.

You can't even make stuff like this up!

Let your minds' eye travel with me to ... Easter Sunday ...

Sunday school class. Nothing special other than our teacher was doing a creative number with discussing the resurrection story of Christ ... our Lord ... what the ... ???

Enter 9 hundred and 32 year old woman, barely 5 ft tall. Shaking and feeble. Literally enter. As my class of 30 or so young marrieds has our heads to our teacher, an elderly woman at death's door sneaks into our classroom and gums a few Bisquick sausage balls from the Snack Station. I really don't know how I even saw the quiet little mouse. As quickly ... maybe sluggishly is a better adverb ... as she came, she left, but not until she nestled a handful of sausage balls into a napkin to go.

I had the worst church giggles of my life. At least of my adult life. Dr. J's elbow jabbing didn't help things, nor did the two or three other people that also witnessed the mischievous thievery. Thank goodness I already knew how the story ended.

Another step of me morphing into my mother

Mom always called me during the workday just to chat whenever she was on spring break / summer / whatever teacher holiday she got that I didn't get. And she would just ramble on about the fish in the pond that dad accidentally killed, again ... or tell me that she was going to go to the grocery store ... or or that she saw a car she didn't recognize drive by the house - twice. All while I'm trying to politely squeeze into her ramblings to find out if she needed to speak to me because I was, of course, working.

Anyway, today is the first day of my spring break. I could have an accident with a kitchen knife a little later today and I'd still be grinning ear-to-ear. But I just picked up the phone to call a friend in California that I haven't talked to in months.

1. She works.
2. Like I said, she's in California, and it was only 5:30 a.m. PST

What? I'm up.

The Hardest Part about Teaching

I have to be an adult all day long. Seriously.

And then the moment the students leave and another teacher comes in I turn into a sophomoric idiot. Ironically, it seems that the more mature my kids are, the less mature I become, whipping out ridiculous puns and slapstick routines like there's no tomorrow. I mean, there really must be balance.

Potterwatch.

I sent most of you an email about this yesterday. In case you didn't hear, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is going to be split into 2 parts.

I'm going to come back to this. Right now I want to cry.

Volunteer Teaching

This is my new term for when I come into work for a full day on my day off. Except that I goofed around on iTunes for a full hour first. And sent a dozen unneccesary emails ... and oh wait, now I'm blogging. In any case, today we are out of school, next Friday we are out, and the following week is Spring Break! And I'm taking a full 24 hours to go shopping in Charlotte plus my dad is going to visit for 4 days!!!! Don't think for a second that teachers get all the breaks because I work most nights and weekends. So suck it. It beats last year's work pace, but still ... exhausting.

I'm so excited that Ms. Pettigrew Lives for a Day is out! Frances McDormand is the greatest of the greats. This is definitely a popcorn and soda movie.

Alright, back to grading.

Dreamweaver

1. About two weeks ago I dreamed that I was scolding my brother for wearing "too much eyeliner!" I remember that I was outrageously perturbed by the amount, not the fact that there was eyeliner on his face.

2. Last night I dreamed that I was at my friend Allison's wedding (that I attended .... err ... almost 4 years ago) but that she and her husband were wearing these heavy black drape-like body suits. I know that it doesn't seem like drapes can be body suits, but they can in dreams, and the bottom half had a stripey black velvet around the straight skirt portion. i know, right? And then as they were doing their vows, their stage hands switched out the straight skirt for these larger crimson velvet hoop skirts, but they kept the black body suits on top. Yes, they. As they broke out into choreographed dance like marionettes. This is where I started to wake up a little ...

I don't even know where to begin explaining that away. It is very windy outside though.

Bye Bye, Little Appendix

Took me a couple days to get this here. Geesh.

This was the saddest of all Oscar parties, not even my appendix was able to make it. The day before the party, A decided to start cramping up. All morning I made excuses for it such as menstral cramps, gas (bad, bad gas!) and ... I can't remember what else. I know I took 3 or 4 times the recommended amount of Maalox. Maalox is great, but not for appendices. So after poking around on my tummy I decided yes, it definitely hurt more on one side and told Dr. J it was time to find a medical doctor. Right about then, that's when the lightheaded-ness and the vomiting began.

We only sat in the waiting area about 5 mintues ... a very long 5 minutes. Did I also mention how slowly and delicately and SLOWLY dr j drove to the hospital?? Please, husbands, always make sure you don't run ALL THOSE yellow lights. Stop for them all. Every last one. Even if you think you can make it, stop for the yellow lights. Make that trip last as long as possible. Back to the waiting room ... when they took me in to get my vitals and I told her I needed to lay down. But I meant right then. To prove just how serious I was, I passed out and awoke shortly thereafter to a barrage of shaking, sweating, and vomiting.

That's as ugly as it got though. And it did get me a room, fast!

Poking, prodding, testing ... and appendicitis! Short surgery, night in the hospital, two days home from school and counting. I'm guessing I'll be out through Thursday.

But my oscar party was so sad and lonely! My darling friends and competitors still sent in their ballots, I came in dead last, thank you very much. Keeping up with the ballots was rather difficult to do when you are having to face the ceiling the whole time. I didn't get a good look at the red carpet, but it's all tivo-ed and I am hoping to get back to that later this week.

So, goodbye little appendix! We've had a good run, you and me. I blame all my flaws on you and am starting over with a clean slate. I only wish you weighed more ...

YAY!!

Are you all so very excited? We saved up tons of 2nd and 3rd choice shows to pull us through the writing drought ... but there is a reason those are 2nd and 3rd choice.

To know the latest in what's coming up, I stole this link from TV addict.

Come back Office! I've missed you 30 Rock! Oh! Friday Night Lights - what's going on with Riggins and Smash and Coach Taylor and Matt Sarasen and Santiago and Tyra and Landry???? Don't leave!

Where are you Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Heroes and Gossip Girl!? I'm lost without you!

Chuck, we love you. Love. You. You were my new favorite. I'm sad you won't be back till next year.

And most importantly - FINISH OUT THAT LOST SEASON! We were patient for 10 months, don't make us riot now.

Look what a DVR can do. What an amazing piece of machinery. You can have your sliced bread.

A Baby Step

Second only to trying to educate the general public about the inner workings of science, my purpose in life seems to be to get others to play dominoes. I wouldn't say that all Texas-born muggles play, but certainly all that ever frequented The Chicken in College Station can hold their own in 42. Not that I've ever been to The Chicken. Except between 1996 and 2002. But other than that I'm most holy.

The problem in getting people to play is that you need 4. No more, no less. Unless you play Mexican Train, which is fine, but isn't for hardcore domino lovers. Tonight I did break down the first barrier and at least get a friend into a one-on-one game of dominoes. Mostly I think she felt the need to babysit me, I probably do seem like a sap. I did come down with a mild case of the nasties within hours of Dr. J's departure. Again, probably more related to the fork I've reused three times in two days.

Hey crew - I made the bed this morning like the grown up that I am! Awww ... wipe that solitary tear.

Movies and macaroni

Dr. J leaves town and I sink into deep bachelorette-hood-dom. I left dirty dishes in the sink and last night, drank coffee from a mug off the counter that may or may not have been entirely clean, and I had a sore throat so I made a pot of macaroni and cheese for dinner. What is wrong with me?? And why do i keep getting sick? And no snide comments about the mediocre cleanliness of my morning mug are necessary, thank you very much.

I miss this little blog-ette and the random comments that I got from friends near and far. Oddly enough, most of you always felt compelled to comment on private emails or via telephone calls. What a strange bunch you all are.

By the way, please tell me you have all seen Juno. And Atonement. I loved that crazy girl, Juno. She reminded me of me, so awkward and outcasted in high school, except for the whole pregnancy thing. I only wish I could have had the confidence to get myself a cheeseburger phone. Or even a hamburger phone.

Back home with mini-Minnie in tote

Dr. J and I decided to vacation this year at Disneyworld. (Does anyone else feel utterly pretentious when using vacation as a verb??) Plans for some summer time-off kept changing and getting put off, then some weddings sneaked in, and we opted for a short trip within driving distance. In very un-Missy-like fashion, I have no major embarassing moments or innocent events gone horribly wrong. It was all quite pleasant. There was the one time when Dr. J woke himself up snoring in the middle of Bourne Ultimatum. Great movie though, in J's defense, we were exhausted. My subconscious apparently likes to really stretch out when on vacation, Dr. J was mercilessly forced to sleep on less than about 12 inches of bed. Poor little guy, such a martyr.

This was Dr. J's first magical journey and my second, although my first was when I was 11 - just a short decade ago. Ok, almost two decades, but who's counting. We have some magical pictures from our magical hotel. Mini-minnie made for an excellent model and boy did that little pup have a blast! Photos soon to come.

A little free advertising for a little book with some huge advice:
Anyone interested in EVER going to Disney, I strongly urge you to read ... no, absorb, the Unofficial Guide to Disney. This little $15 purchase will save you a TON of money, and most importantly, a TON of time. We were done with each park by around 1 pm each day and never waited in line for anything. Twice in four days we waited for 15 minutes. And we went to every attraction imaginable.

Did anyone else know about this wonderfulness?

Becoming Jane

I'm going to pee myself.

Potterwatch

I didn't have time to read the book just yet, but then when the not-reading of the book caused me to not-get my other work done, I decided I'd be better off just getting it over with and not-not-read it anymore. So there, it's all done.



And I tried to avoid the media and friends to keep people from spoiling the ending and now I'm the one that needs to be kept away from all of you!



Nothing to do with the ending, but I'm going through Harry withdrawal already. Without a doubt, I have to start the series over from the beginning.



Major spoliers below - do not read unless you are THROUGH:

(spoiler moved to comment section)

My heart sunk just about 10 seconds ago

When I realized that the cardinal's game this Saturday in Atlanta that I've been looking forward to for months is going to coincide with The Delivery. We'll be gone all day!

Those of you that know what I mean will sympathize. Those of you who don't know what I mean probably aren't my friend anyway.

And I saw the movie this weekend. I think it was my favorite ... I LOVE RON!!! AND NEVILLE!! So adorable. I'm having a hard time separating Harry and Daniel and Equus. Couldn't he have waited until after the series is over to prove to everyone what a man he is?

Consider me your unreliable brother .... or a fair-weather friend

Well, Dr. J and I finally bit the bullet and got high speed at home. I feel like my life has transformed, but into a more sedentary version of itself. The upside of an unstable, slow connection, is that you only use it if it is absolutely necessary. The downsides are innumerable, but I'm catching back up on celebrity gossip quickly and I should be back on par soon. Thank. God.

Anyway, summer does give me more free time, much of which is in front of my computer since I'm in online classes, so I do plan to post from time to time. I know once school starts back, that luxury will be ripped out from under me faster than Professor McGonagall can tear a fly in half. And she'll do it too.

I don't ever check this site anymore so I'm not sure why anyone else would ..

But just in case, here's an update:

WOW. First semester of teaching almost through. I've nearly totally and completely burnt myself out in just a few short months. But the pace of working pretty much all weekend every weekend, and until 9 or 10 every night has a very short wick, you see. Throw in a few 8 hour Saturday classes with all the trimmings (aka homework), I have almost nothing else to report. Oh, wait, yes I do. In January, all my classes repeat and I won't have to wing it so much, and create notes completely from scratch day in and day out.

I am, however, having a great time, I'm just exhausted. Today is a day off for election day. Kudos to SC for making election day a holiday instead of Veterans Day. Don't get me wrong, I love the vets, but today seems so much more purposeful and with Veterans Day a mere 3 days away, I can give them an early shout out from here.

Two weeks from today is our last school day before Thanksgiving. Dr J and I aren't going anywhere; he's got grand plans to stain the deck and I've got grander ones of yoga and pedicures. We went to Texas about a month ago for my 10 year reunion (which was surprisingly nice!) and we are going to ColOmibia for Christmas so this will be our time home. And in case you are hoping to invite us to your Christmas party, you need to get that invite in the mail because our holiday social calender is all but chock full between now and the new year!

Now that this semester is almost under control, I hope to have a little e-time every now and then. It's starting to stay colder here (not cold, just can't run around in your knickers) which is good, and thank the lord that Mona has taught herself to play fetch. Fun and warmth all in one!

I do apologize to all my friends who have been e-neglected for several months. Congrats to all my friends popping out little ones in the next few months as well!!

All this fresh material and no one to tell

So I was returning from lunch with a few coworkers today when the oddest thing happened. I notice one of my coworkers not paying attention to a THING that my other coworker was saying - this was not unusual - but the head jerking and face making was. As I'm about to have to ask coworker #1 to repeat herself because coworker #2 is being so incredibly distracting, I say to coworker #1 "what are you ... " and that's when I was struck with the inability to close my mouth or to utter a word as I stood there. staring at a young lad who had decided to sunbathe in all his pastey-whiteness wearing only a pair of khaki's (what else) on the concrete loading dock behind our building. He looked to be cushioned by the meager remains of a well-worn hand towel.

I know I said this is probably over, and it probably is, but this is great

This is for all my friends who, like me, will be able to visualize all of this in its original format.

Evolution of dance.

Good news, Bad news

I have attempted to blog once since May 9th, but blogger was being a putz so it didn't do much good. Sadly, this long delay in communication probably marks the end of my blogging days. Since last we spoke, my parents were in town for two weeks, I ran a 3-day workshop, I've been to Charleston SC, Savannah GA, and Chicago IL, and tomorrow I leave for Atlanta. To my friends in San Diego awaiting my arrival in a couple weeks, yes, this is why you haven't heard ANYTHING from me. None of this appears to be slowing down anytime soon so, farewell blog friends. I hope from time to time to update, maybe once the Fall gets here I'll have more time than I think.

Trebuchet that!

I feel like I've developed quite the working relationship with one of your favorite do-it-yourself stores, seeing as how I've been there two to three times a week for the past month. I can only imagine the pride swelling up in my father right now. And I can tell you that if you need more than 1000 #6 3/4" wood screws, you have to buy them one week at a time. If you need on the order of 3000, you'll piss of the hardware manager. He'll try to keep his cool, but that thick neck and reddening face just don't hide it. And if, by chance, you have a little run in with Ace Hardware over the fact they decided your order was too large to handle yet not call and inform you of this decision for two weeks, it's best to just walk out the front door and call them later when you have cooled off and found a more worthy distributor.

So, Thursday I will be constructing 160 miniature trebuchet bases. How many of you can say you've ever done that? Oh, and if you can stop by for a few hours with a drill and your own set of drill bits, I'll buy you an ice cream.

A little gift from me to you

I am probably the last person to know and use this website but I have just been introduced and it's my new best friend (sorry Dr. J).

http://www.rottentomatoes.com

Check it, check it, check it. This place has movie reviews ... but fantastically organized and easy to use. Pick from all reviewers, "cream of the crop" aka the well known reviewers ... you are looking for a tomato which in this case is a good movie. A green blat is a rotten tomato - a flop. Essentially anything that gets over about 70% is worth some attention. The percentages compile all reviewers as well as readers so less chance of being misguided by that pot-smoking reviewer that has nothing in common with me and my love of all things kitten. Also gives you heads up and all release dates of upcoming once they are confirmed.

www.kayak.com

And as a little added bonus, for my frequent traveler friends, I have also been introduced to the latest and greatest in discount fare searching. You know you love me.

Sweeps and a Sweep

You know how this week was National Turn Off Your TV Week? It turns out we were pretty busy lately (plus I've picked up a few healthier habits) but were the networks in on this or what? Was it just me or were all your favorite shows just really REALLY lame recap clips when they have already had a recap clip showing this season?? I think it's false advertising to say that the show is first run, but then have it be an hour long series of clips over the past two years. This is the saddest of ways to gear up watchers for May Sweeps.

On the other hand, I gave Dr. J a solid beating in putt-putt last week.

There's not really a short version but this is the gist ...

So beginning in August of 2006, I'll be teaching High School Physics.

You are officially hearing about it today because after many months of RI.DIC.U.LOUS amounts of paperwork, detaisls and studying for PRAXIS exams so that I can be admitted into an alternative certification program, it's all but done. I have one job offer on the table and will hopefully have another tomorrow and then it's just a matter of three years of teaching, classes, seminars before they give me a teaching certificate.

That's it!

It has been an arduous process but, honestly, I can't wait to get started. I "quit" the PhD program before this semester started (back in January) but I had to keep taking classes because I'm employed through it based on full time student status. All those papers this semester? Probably no long term credit. We'll see. So I've been very e-quiet because I was holding down my job, being a student, oh and I took on another job and have been trying to get certified.

Anyway, for those of you that are concerned, nothing has really changed. I'm still interested in Engineering Education but the program I had begun was still too much of an engineering degree (I don't need another one!) - basically I decided it wasn't providing me the educational experience I had hoped for. I want to get into K-12 Math/Science Curriculum in the future ... thus, I need teaching and an education degree. But that's for future worries. For the immediate future, I'm excited about starting teaching full time!!

It was never really a secret or anything, I just sort of wanted things to pan out before it was officially .. official.

Now there are two women of the house

Last night Dr. J and I had a scare. The little professor went out for her evening stroll and didn't come back. I know you won't believe it until you see it for yourself, but normally when I let her out she comes back in when I call her, whether she's ready to return or not.

We don't usually let her roam around once it's really dark so about 9 last night I called her

... and called her

... and called her.

Like true parents, we immediately started thinking the worst - our teenager was out there getting knocked up. I quickly remembered that she had been fixed and at least we won't be having babies before she can graduate from high school, but we weren't prepared for her to become a woman this early in her baby life!! About every 10 minutes or so we walked outside and called her, and called her, with no response. Maybe she fell out of a tree, maybe she's been hit by a car - the horrible things that went through our minds! Dr. J gave it one last try about 10:30 and I went out and called her twice. Nothing. As I turned to come in, I half-heartedly gave it one more shot and ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Prof. M runs by me into the house like nothing had happened.

She did look a little older when she returned. Walked a little more ... worldly. I'm not sure what happened out there, and I don't think I want to know.

And the game comes to an end

Today is the day when I give my Bingo Final Presentation and boy do I have some results. We are jazzing it up a little so it's more One Act Play than Class Presentation, so while it will be more fun and hopefully more interesting, it also is causing me quite a lot of butterflies. I like to think that down deep I'm really a great actress in the body of a mediocre engineer, alas, my two and a half minute Bingo Artifact Monologue is giving me the flutters.

Wish me luck!

A solution for loneliness

If anyone hasn't seen this yet, I HIGHLY recommend it. This is the cutest thing I think I've ever seen. It makes me want to knit a one-armed sweater for Mona.

Tree Sweater

A Toasty Mona

A Toasty Mona
Originally uploaded by missyajg.

This little kitten is plagued with the same disease as every other cute kitty in the world: she cannot let an opened door or an unwatched bag go unnoticed. Here we see her basking in the warmth of the dryer, exhausted from hours of rummaging through my purse and backpack.

Dee dee da duuuum!

Long time on hold listening to saxophones and flutes moan out a little elevator music ... ...

...

...


...



sigh.

Hey, but we did get grass planted this weekend. So that's good!

(dee dee daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa da doooooooooooo ... deeeeeeeee da de do .....)

we are now plus one mower and one rubbermaid storage unit

In the event that our grass decides to gestate and oh, I dunno ... grow, we are now fully prepared. Over the last couple months, Dr. J and I have compiled quite the collection of fertilizers, rakes, hoses, sprinklers and small garden tools, all of which have lived happily in the 3 ft x 3 ft covered concrete space just outside our side door or happily stored underneath the sink in the guest bath. However, with the addition of Moe, the mower, the scales finally tipped in favor of a rubbermaid storage unit. This has been quite the challenge for lawn care rookies, such as ourselves. I'm sure it comes as a surprise to no one that neither Dr. J nor myself has spent much time slaving in the garden.

We are now in full on attack mode in a very determined effort to make the "contractor's sod" either take or begin proactive medicinal lawn treatments. We live mere blocks from some of the most beautiful lawns in Columbia, which doesn't do much to console our frustration that our sod is a strong gust of wind away from loitering on our neighbor's lawn. I think I saw a tear well up in the corner of Dr. J's eye as we drove by The Perfect Lawn this afternoon. Hang in there, J. Our labors are not in vain.

I am proud of all of you, but that doesn't mean i don't think you're crazy, cause I do

This weekend, I have two friends in the St. Louis Marathon, one (maybe two!?) in the St. Louis Half Marathon, one in the Paris Marathon, and one in the Ironman in Arizona. Good luck to you all!!!

Wow. You'd think with all those good examples around me, I'd be a pillar of athleticism and good health.

You'd be wrong though. Dr. J and I have decided we are going to split a pan of turtle brownies and then take an absurdly long nap on Sunday in your honor.

Run like the wind!!

Dance to the Bingo

My life of late has been primarily composed of three things: The Girls (now in Season 5 L&L are together!!), Weeds, and Bingo. The weather here has been beautiful lately so I can't complain about the weeds, I'm actually enjoying it! I kept meaning to go into more detail about the Bingo side of life, but I just spend SO much time with Bingo and related activities that I haven't gone much into detail.

B-i-n-g-o isn't the cute song you used to sing or game you played in class to win the cool #2 pencil. No sir-ee, it's a lifestyle. I kid you not when I say that most of the players at my hall* are there between 4 and 6 days a week, some even 7! I did an interview this past week with one of the players and found out that she Bingos about 5 days a week had a mental spending limit of $60/day. Ummm, can you say really nice mortgage?!?! She also travels to play the big pots, and big in this case is somewhere between $50K and $100K. But before you all jump off the couch to join her, it costs $380 to enter.

The game itself, however, is UBER fast-paced and quite challenging. I've been playing for a couple of months and have never had the guts to call Bingo because I'm so unsure of when I won. And no, you don't win with only 5 across, up or down. I even have myself a small collection of Dabbin' Fever Daubers, a bingo-ist's most important tool. And if you ever decide to find yourself a Bingo Hall, be warned, the rules of behavior are many and newcomers are noticed and unwelcome.

This has been an education unlike one I've never had and yes, all those papers that I've been writing this semester that I've complained about on this site, during which time many of you received ridiculous forwards in my attempts to avoid writing, were all about Bingo. Thank God the end is near though, I've had about all the bingo analysis I can take. So Hooray for only two more papers and a project,

* my research team picked Bingo Halls and each of us went to one Hall once a week for two months for data collection

DST

I'm always the one that either finds out about this just before bedtime the night before or I'm reeeeealy late to church. I found out 5 days in advance this year and there's no reason for us to all miss the fun, so ... everyone ... Spring Forward one hour this Saturday!

The wild days

This morning, Dr. J and I woke up with a sack of wheat hot dog buns on the floor in our bedroom, unopened but with a few scratchy places. Apparently this sack of wheat hot dog buns had visciously attacked our precious Professor during the night, from its normal resting place atop the refrigerator. I was actually more amazed that she hadn't actually had herself a wheat feast than that she had scaled a 10' fridge to rescue some wrongfully imprisoned bread. We've been very strict with the no human food with her, and it's really been paying off. Back in the day, we'd come home to Daisy lounging beer belly up with her paw in a sack of cheetos.

And I hate it when people eat my cheetos.

This hardly seems real

Get the kiddos out of the room. You don't want to be giving them any ideas.

READ.

This is probably one of those you-had-to-be-there-s

So a couple of weeks ago when Erika was here we went outlet mall shopping, like any good girls would do. We got a bit of a late start and swung by Panera for a little b-fast around 9 a.m. (I normally chug my target imitation slimfast shake around 6:30, so this was pretty late) sooooo ... about lunch time, we really weren't hungry, opted no lunch in exchange for more shop time. Clearly the way to go.

However, by the time we finally left the outlets it was a little after 4 and we were getting pretty hungry. As any decent outlet, it's located out in BFE (which isn't hard to come by here) so we had to drive to the next town to find a restuarant. Ever the good hostess, I stopped at the first IHOP available dreaming of loading up on the largest combination of breakfast food on the menu. I can't remember exactly what I ordered, but we got essentially the same thing: 2 eggs, sausage, bacon, hashbrowns, and 2 pancakes. Delish.

And I'll tell ya, those IHOPers, they get yer food to ya in a jiffy!

So we were talking as fast as we could eat, or eating as fast as we could talk, I don't really remember. Inhaling food as quickly as we did is much akin to being drunk (not that I would know, mom). A few shovel fulls into my hashbrown and eggs Erika warns me that I had egg (or something) on my chin. Frustrated for having to slow my eating, I slap it clean with a napkin, and proceed to devour plate #1 in three breaths. Plate #2, the pancakes, were saved for last.

I wish I could say I started to slow down, except that halfway through the slaughtering, Erika stops in mid-sentence long enough to say, "Missy. Now you've got syrup dripping from your hair."

I can't even write that without bursting into fitful tears of laughter. The best part is that there are a handful of you that read this that have probably preached something similiar to me in the past. I think I would have eaten with as much etiquitte if the waitress had just brought us a trough.

I don't think I've laughed that hard since Jr. High. You'll be happy to know that the laughing and cleaning slowed me down enough to make me realize that, indeed, I was actually full.

To my faithful readers, both of you

I do apologize for not posting much. I can't decide if I should hang onto this thing or not. On the one hand, it gives my friends a place to know what's going on with me and feel as though they never have to email me back, on the other hand, I've been so busy lately that it's hard to keep up. I have a long list of excuses lined up behind me - I've even had a ton of things I wanted to post, but never the time. Sigh.

So, does anyone know anything about planting grass? We are going to go the seed route and not the sod route, and we are definitely looking for advice, we are getting conflicting information. Oh, and I pulled weeds all day Saturday and my body is in screaming pain. By "all day" I do mean for about 8 hours. Pulling. Yes, there were that many weeds. Hence the need for some grass.

this doesn't make me a basketball fan, but i do love the ags!!

I was listening to NPR this morning and I hear something about Texas A&M on the radio ... any mention of Aggieland within earshot of me makes me perk up. I ask Dr. J what they said, and he says something about them winning a basketball game.

Whaa?

Texas A&M is in the NCAA tournament?!?

How do I not know this? Granted, I'm not what you might call a basketball enthusiast, I consider the winter months and early spring as the break between football and baseball. Maybe it's because I grew up in Dallas in the age where you couldn't pay people to go to a Mavericks game (I remember a joke about someone's car getting broken into where someone left a pair of Maverick tickets on their dash) and the pale skinned, vertically challenged Aggies that composed our basketball team while I attended was supported, they are Aggies after all, but they definitely weren't considered a serious competitor, more like an excuse to go somewhere with that cute guy in Chem Class. While I was in the Midwest, I was often accosted by people with attacks that the Aggies had lost so Ha! Ha!! And I'm all, it's February, you mean like women's rugby? And there's certainly no way I'd get news here beyond how Carolina and Clemson are doing unless I go hunt it down myself and like I said, it's March, so why would I?

So, way to go Ags!! Way to surprise the hell outta this Aggie!! Good luck in the tourney!!!

Let's ... go to ... the movies!! (pauses to emphasize the tune of the Annie song)

CNN has an article that says,

Theater operators who have felt the pinch of a lingering decline in movie business have a ready solution to turn things around: Studios need to make better films.

Seeeee ... now I was under the impression that recycled plots were sufficient as long as the explosions were more extravagant. Better films. What a novel idea! Do you thinik they will actually hire screenwriters instead of just modifying character names, throwing in an extra sex scene, and adding a white knuckle car chase that just barely misses colliding with an infant's stroller?* Now there's a reason to buy the large popcorn.

*Spiderman III, IV, V, VI, VII, and VIII are excluded from these accusations.

Somoa S.O.S.

I'm seeing on other's blogs that it's Girl Scout Cookie time, but I have yet to see any of these alleged Girl Scouts out and about here in ColUmbia. My experience living between two states tells me that they sell them at different times of the year, depending on where you are ... but how do I find out?! I don't even want to imagine a year without the Peanut Butter Sandwiches or Somoas!!!!

Help!?! What am I to do?

What an Uber Fantastic Weekend!!

Friend visit this weekend was FAAAAAAAAN-TASTICO! Lots of laughs, a perfectly ridiculous Oscar night (preceeded by the dyeing of my hair), tons of shopping and I have one great story that I'll have to share later because I'm feeling vomit-ous, a word I'd like to coin because it exactly describes how I feel right now. Hopefully a few hours with The Girls can make me come around. I think I'll be picking up some saltines and chicken soup on the way home.

I don't know if this means I'm tired or old

I am working way more than I can stand these days, but the end is drawing near which is pretty much the only reason I'm not in panicking because I truly think the source of the problem is that I'm WORKING TOO MUCH! Anyway, but as of two days ago, I realized that my headache-ieness was probably due to the fact that I was seeing double in my right eye and then yesterday, unable to read with my glasses on out of my right eye and then today, can't make out any of the letters on the computer screen (much less my books) ... with my glasses on!! I'm hoping all this will remedy itself once I'm done with all this work but in the meantime my left eye ... my good eye, the one with the 6.00 prescription is working just swimmingly. So hang in there leftie! I need you to get me through this week! Plus, I've had to go back on my no caffeine/acids diet and it is horribly troublesome to not be able to have coffee this week. Oh and tomorrow is my 6 hour round trip in a bus with 200 6th graders. YEA!!

39 years of schooling between the two of us, and not much to show for it ...

So Saturday night Dr. J and I were at the grocery store - that's right, I said Saturday night. No, I swear we're still fun even though all we do is work or watch 24 re-runs and go to the grocery store on Saturday night.

Anyhoo ... so we are checking out at the self checkout line at the grocery store. You know, the one where you scan and bag yourself. Very convenient, if I say so myself. Never been much of a lets-become-best-friends-with-the-checker-at-the-grocery-store and yet I always still feel guilty for just standing there and not saying anything. So we're there, at the You-Scan that's furthest from where the Self-Scan-Superintendent is, and there is pretty much no one else at the grocery store, except us and her, because, like I said before, it's Saturday night.

So we are scanning our food and we come to an de-barcoded bag of green onions. So I, routinely, push the button that says No Bar Code and wait for the pretty pictures of all of the popular produce to appear. But none does. And after about 20 seconds of no pictures appearing, all of the sudden, the Self-Scan-Machine says, "green onions ... $0.70". Dr. J and I just turn to each other and are like, wow ... how did it know it was green onions. So I'm all ... hey! grab the green beans! let's see if it can tell that it's green beans! And Dr. J enthusiastically puts the green beans on the scanner and hits the No Bar Code button. And wallah! It says, "Green beans ... $0.whatever!" We both roar back with hands flailing and shout WoW! Dr. J is, as any good professor should be, examining as to whether the machine could be deciphering the density of the vegetables as I run to get the tomatoes.

And then. Dr. J looks over to see that devilish little Self-Scan-Supervisor standing a mere 15 from our checkout station. And it became, embarrassingly, all too clear.

Sorry, couldn't keep it from you guys

The topic of 6th grade science this week was on fungi and related entities, one such entity being yeast. With the mere mention of the word, one of the boys in the back stood up and said, "My mom is always saying she has a yeast infection, is that the same fungus that's in the bread?"

I try not to exploit my 6th graders, but this one is just too funny. Unfortunately for his mother, she works at the school with us and, well, news like this travels fast. I'm sure this one will sort of be remembered in his family like the time that my mom looked down from the church chior only to see her son staring back at her from a viewfinder/tampon applicator that he found in her purse.

New Mommeeeeeee!!

As of Sunday, Marfeld is the proud mommy of Marshall James, who weighed in at 9 lbs, 7 oz. I know, it's hard to believe that little lady could have toted him around. And worse to think she only gained 27 lbs with that big boy floppin' around in there!

No pics yet since she is still in the hospital, but they will come soon enough.

Congratulations my little honey bunches of oats!!

Pride, pride and more pride

I have spent LOTS of time lately working at home, I am distracted less there since La Casa only has dial-up and it's much more difficult to browse the Sale sections of my favorite retailers. However, I often find that I just get up, make some coffee and start working, without even a nod towards a shower or a toothbrush. Sometimes those things happen at lunch, sometimes they happen after CSI. One might think I'd have a little more self-respect, but you'd be wrong.

However, we have had many a phone problem since we moved in and the phone guy has had to come to our house about once a week. I am utterly mortified when I have to answer my front door at 1:30 p.m., still in my pjs with hair that has visibly been given no consideration. The sad thing is that I'm more mortified because I am afraid he's going to think I'm unemployed, rather than that he might think I have poor hygiene. I have found myself explaining to the mailman, the phone guy, the UPS driver, and a 75 year-old woman that stopped by to welcome us to the neighborhood that I indeed, work from home, and despite the fact that you caught me on my break watching Oprah, I don't sit around all day watching TV. I'm sure my shouts of I swear I have a job! as they fled back to their vehicles of choice was not only effective, but certainly advanced their opinion of the Crazy-Cat-Lady-in-The-House-On-The-Corner.

Good Morning, Monday ... a little smile from my mommy to you

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his bottom again."

Nuttin, honey

Yes, I seem to only be able to post M-W ... the load should lighten soon enough, my long lost friends. And for those of you that are having a baby next week, I miss you tons and I'm so sad that I'm not there to get to bring you CheezBalls to the hospital because, c'mon, who really wants flowers when you can have CheezBalls!?

Last week I built 16 - 9" high Trebuchets. I was a HIT! Two days of assorted marshmallows and jelly beans of all shapes and sizes flying in every possible direction. Yes, it was as stressful as it sounds. And a mere two weeks from tomorrow, I will be accompanying no less than 200 6th graders on a three hour school bus trip to Medieval Times in Myrtle Beach! I only wish I were joking!

No, I won't tell you what the difference in a trebuchet and a catapult is. Do your own research.

Home Sweet Home

Little Waxahachie reaches once again attains national fame by astounding means.

Here's the text for those of you that couldn't open the page...

When you're throwing your pot out of your car window, remember the wind effect.

Wildflowers may not be the only thing sprouting up along a 15-mile stretch of Interstate 35 in Ellis County this spring.

Seeds of an illegal plant were inadvertently sown after a police officer stopped a car with no license plate light early Friday morning and smelled a strong odor of marijuana. When the officer returned to his car and called for backup, the driver drove away, Milford Police Chief Carlos Phoenix said.

As several law enforcement agencies joined the chase, the fleeing driver tore open and threw 17 to 19 bags out of his window. "There was marijuana flying everywhere," Phoenix told the Waxahachie Daily Light.

After driving over a second set of spikes set out by authorities, the suspect finally stopped and was taken into custody, and he was "literally covered in marijuana," Phoenix said.

Officers picked up two duffel bags, a backpack and three or four gallon-size freezer bags from the interstate, but the wind blew much of the substance and seeds, Phoenix said.

How does that saying go? A stye in the eye is worth two in the ... something something

On Monday, whilst working diligently on my paper at home, I stood up, tried to unplug my jumpdrive from the back of the computer and brushed the desklamp with the side of my neck. The ENORMOUS burn that it left in it's wake makes me think that this was probably one of our less-than-quality purchases. Yes, it most definitely looks like a hickey but the pain it inflicts reminds me otherwise.

Additionally, I got a stye in my left eye on Monday night and by Tuesday morning, it was pretty painful and swollen. Had I not had a paper due today, I would have tried to sleep all day. But then today I would have been sad because I slept all day yesterday because now I have a stye in my left and right eye. And there is much work to be done and no real time to slow down, but oh! how I wish to go home and close my eyes and not look at anything else today. Unfortunately I have class until 8 pm.

Sniff.

I miss exams!

I am currently being forced to subject myself to the most unnatural thing possible ... writing a subjective paper. UGH! Give me a book of math problems or sit me down and tell me to read a physics text book cover to cover (not biology though ... that stuff bores the poop right out of me). But this narrative, subjective, philosophical-in-nature-sort-of-thing comes out sounding WAY to similar to a blog post which I am certain my Prof is not looking for. Blick! I can't go 5 minutes without screaming to Professor McGonagal how much I HATE THIS!!! HATE!

HATE!

I'm a few pages away from a rough draft and it's due tomorrow.

HATE!

AND we don't have any exams in this class, only papers and this one's the shortest by about 10 pages.

HATE HATE!

I think when I finish my paper I'll console myslef with an episode of The Girls before I move onto more studying.

Bingo is my Thing-o

In case that was you calling me last night around 5:30 pm, I was busy gettin' my Bingo groove on, as I will be from 5:30 to 6:30 pm every Tuesday night this entire semester.

dis ain't yer sistas bingo ... SNAP!

I was 12 the last time that I was this unprepared

Lump me in with the group of people that didn't see any of the movies nominated for pretty much everything in the Oscars (yes I know that's the majority, but I'm not usually in it, I'm comfortable in the minority). I have had a rotating list of Must-Sees that we Never-Saw and they are ALL on here. We even rented some and never watched them.

Sad.

I'm living somewhere between 2000 and 2002, I think

So since Dr. J decided to go out of town for five days, I decided to start up The Gilmore Girls Season 1, which I had borrowed from a friend. I indulged in way too many days of that and once Dr. J returned, we've been catching up on all the Season 2 Episodes of 24 that TiVo'd while I was out with The Girls. I know I'm way late on both these bandwagons, and I have no one to vent my frustration with about how oblivious Laureli is to Luke's interest because everyone else is literally years ahead of me. It does calm me down to know that L.A. is not going to be melted by a nuclear bomb since I have definitely seen Jack, Tony and the gang in random Day 4 episodes. Helps me sleep better.

Misc.

I'm so behind on my blog reading! I doubt this is something I should be ashamed of, but I certainly do miss them. It's been all I can do to squeeze in half of the first season of the Gilmore Girls - whew!

I'm also looking forward to seeing this outcome. Those guys apparently need some time in a private, perhaps barred, room to see the error of their ways.

On other news my former St. Louis surrogate mother (aka, my friend that had the graciousness to let me live with her for a month) is coming to see me, not-so-coincidently on the weekend of the Oscars!! There will be much tiara and feather boa wearing to accompany whatever snooty appetizers we can muster. My friends here in Columbia are in for a serious awakening of my need to be shallow and mock others.

Tissue anyone?

I’m not sure what her initial goal was, but right now, the lower half of Professor McGonagall’s body is protruding from an almost empty Kleenex box. Something tells me those last tissues aren’t really going to be up to the job after she emerges. She’s also started doing this thing lately where she walks around with about one-quarter inch of her tiny little tongue poking out between her lips. It’s the cutest thing ever. I’m on a mission to get a photo.

Back!

I've tunneled my way through to victory! Well, that's probably a bit of an overstatement, but I at least have part of my days back to myself. Sadly, Dr. J is out-of-town and I have to celebrate alone. Even more sad is the fact that Columbia, South Carolina does not carry CheezBalls in ANY OF THE GROCERY OR CONVENIENT STORES and how is a girl to celebrate without CHEEZBALLS!?!?

I have been looking for months in every store I go into and I've finally reconciled with that fact, but it doesn't make it any easier to swallow. This past weekend would have been a perfect weekend to curl with with a canister of cheezballs and watch a movie, but alas, it was not to be. Any of you that feel like UPS-ing me a crate or two, we're BFFEs.

More to come, but not now

It's a never-ending world of turmoil in la casa, things never stop-a changin'!

Panic ensued since I returned from Christmas Vacay to find myself buried under mountains of work. I'm slowly tunneling my way out and hope to see you all on the other side soon enough...

Home Beauty Shop

The weekend was full of not-as-much-work as it should have been but yet way-more-errands-than-imagined. Blick.

The Professor is now free of her post-op stitches, has a new manicure, and got her first full bath yesterday. Amazinly, she liked the warm water being poured over her, but shrieked with pain at the in-between times and the soaping-down when she shivered miserably. It was almost too much for my little heart to take. I certainly couldn't let her dry her little shaking body without some intervention, so I gave the hair dryer on a low setting a go. Although, she was quite obviously afraid at first, she gave it a chance since it was, at least, better than the cruel 70 degree room temperature, and it was only a matter of time before she was rotating so I could get her other side and ultimately, holding up her back leg for me to expose her wet underside.

What a cutie!

Dance to the Rhythm

YES!!!

Two of my favorite things will be colliding on March 5th.

So do YOU know how to do it?

In the past, I have failed to include what I like to call Paige Stories. No one to blame but myself, but you guys are overdue for an intro to the fun. Paige has a way of saying exactly what everyone else is thinking, but she can get away with it because 1) she was raised by my family (see below post) and 2) she's mentally handicapped.

For example. You have that friend that talks all the way through the movies at the theater, no matter how tense the movie is, or how involved you might be. You are probably obligated to maybe nod politely, or attempt in vain to ignore her. However, Paige's options are considerably more open in this same situation in one smooth motion, Paige will turn directly to her and say, "TRY TO LISTEN". In similar circumstances, when maybe your Grandmother is becoming a little overly advice-ey when perhaps, your vehicle is stuck in the mud and snow out in the Texas Panhandle and you have little option for getting it out since there are, of course, bovines blocking your only path, Paige will gladly verbalize, "Grandmother stop talking".

I loved those two days.

Anyway, so I was home having lunch with my mom and sister and we were discussing the details of the Afternoon Popcorn (the girl needs a plan to hold on to and Afternoon Popcorn is part of The Routine).

Mom: Missy can probably make the popcorn for you later.

[Paige lets out a small burp]

Mom: Paige, please cover your mouth

[Paige covers her mouth]

Mom: No, please cover your mouth before you burp

Me: Dr. J and I are working on the exact same thing at the Casa, but for me, not him

Paige [to Missy]: Do you know how to do it?

Me: Yes, of course

[Missy takes a napkin from the table, places it over her mouth, and forces a dainty little BUUUURP behind the napkin]

Me: Now you try.

[Paige mimics the taking of the napkin, the placing of it over her mouth, and the even more dainty BLURRRRRRRRRRRP behind the napkin]

Paige: So do you know how to make the popcorn?

Introducing Professor McGonagall

Whom you are free to refer to as simply Professor or Mona, but please, upon introduction, use her christian name.



Here we see The Professor in all her might, defeating her most hated enemy, George the Mouse. Many of The Professor's enemies (aka playthings) are rejected hand-me downs from the I'm-above-such-childish-things-predecessor, Daisy. The Professor doesn't mind how long the enemies have haunted our home, so long as it is the desire of the Big Cats for her to defeat them.



The Professor has not yet conjured a strategy for defeating The Evil Vacuum, and the fact that she was forced to retreat behind the Guest Pillows is utterly humiliating for her. She won't accept this sort of imposed humiliation and has resolved to learn more about The Vacuum. Below you can see she and Dr. J doing some afternoon net reserach so she has a slight hand up in the event that Vacuum emerges. She fully expects to be on the defensive, until she has considerably more time to learn the ways of such a threatening foe.

It's a Girl!!

We bailed her out just this afternoon (maybe that's what grandmother meant?!) 12 weeks old, grey/tan with black stripes, has better than average computer skills, very purr-ey, snuggly, clingy, very stinky (and can't be bathed for 10 days due to yesterday's removal of the femal organs), wants to scratch everything (10 minutes in she'd poked 3 holes in the side of the leather couch) and very nameless. She has to stick around for a couple of days and we'll try on a few of the early bids (Dobby, Bennie, Priscilla, Alice). The naming auction is still open though, and you have gender direction now.

The best part? She's a lap kitty. She likes to stay there while I work. It rocks.

"I've simply had a wonderful Christmas and I'm just so thankful none of us are in jail"

Per the finale of my grandmother's I'm-so-glad-everyone-could-be-together speech just after family Christmas rituals had concluded. My grandmother, queen of all that is inappropriate and untimely. Props to grandmother for pulling through the knee replacement surgery on tuesday with flying colors. She's a tough cookie. Now just a little bit tougher ... watch those groins, gentlemen.

This just one of many delicious nuggets from Christmas 2005. More to come.

Mexican Tuesday

As is our new Tradition, we'll be picked up from DFW airport tomorrow and shuttled directly to a Mexican Restaurant of our choosing. I am quite the ball of excitement about this, all except that I feel like poop and I'm afraid of feeling like poop tomorrow. Wish me luck that I overcome the poopiness before christmas and that I get along swimmingly with my neph-pup (to avoid further confusion on this issue, neph-pup would be my Brother's Dog).

Signing off till next week. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

I'm not even getting paid for this

Coke zero rocks and this is a plug to get more people to drink it so it doesn't find itself in the wasteland of Tab and Pepsi Free. Even Dr. J, the sworn enemy to all that is diet, loves it.

Now that I'm of the late-twenty variety, am I still obligated to report my grades to my parents?

Remember those days of yesteryear when you would go home at the end of a rough semester for the Christmas holidays, indulge on free food and free laundry at Mom's house, maybe go out with some high school friends with a 10-spot from Dad that felt like 100 bucks since you hadn't actually held 10 dollars in your hand that wasn't already predestined for laundry or groceries since the last time you came home to visit the parents? Yeah, me too.

Remember how exhilarating it was to finish your finals, pack up the car and drive home? And how you used to wallow in the freedom of having completed another round of coursework and how you didn't even care how you did on the final because you were just so glad to be done with it? And remember how you would wake up feeling completely relaxed and thrilled with the fact you didn't have to study that day, or do homework, or go to classes ... right up until the day that you could call in on the Automated Phone System that would give you your grade report for the semester and then you wish that you had studied a little more for your finals, and the fret and the praying would start all over again? I probably have a few readers who had to look at Posted Grade Sheets the next semester when they returned, or something very archaic like that. Today the hip kids (I think the mere fact that I call them The Hip Kids makes me Not Hip) are checking those grades online. And the grades pop in as the professor decides to post them. So I don't understand why my one teacher is holding out on me ... UGH! Although I can't imagine how distracted I would be if I still had finals to take and I already had posted grades in other classes ...


I wonder if I'm still entitled to that 10 bucks? Maybe I can finagle an extra 5 bucks since I'm married now. Or does it go down by $5?

The Ultimate in Sell-Out

So today, at my conference, I was having a conversation with a certain someone that is the Assistant Director of a certain organization that funds (or more importantly, doesn't fund) university projects ... potentially my own. Apparently Mrs. Assistant Director's mouth was exceptionally full of fresh saliva because she accidently spit all over me in mid-sentence.

And what did I do?

Nothing.

I simply pretended like Mrs. Assistant Director had not spat on me and that I didn't all of the sudden have droplets of said saliva drying all over my face. I didn't even flinch or consider embarrassing her by wiping it off.

I've sold my soul.

Semester 1. Over and Out

One semester less. Doesn't say much since I only took one class, so I'm 1/6 of the way there. But 1/6 is better than 0 - hooray! This is just a quick hoorah before I skidaddle to Atlanta for the weekend. Don't get too excited, it's for work. However, there is shopping scheduled. At real stores. Some of the many millions they don't have here in the S of C. Be back next week, kiddos.

I absolutely LOVE Christmas

Love the songs, the houses dressed top to bottom with lights, the movies, the wreaths, the jingle bells, the snow (or thought thereof), the mistletoe, the ornaments, the s'mores, the christmas pageants, the egg nog and apple cider, the spicy candles popping up in all the stores, the vacations from work and the days off from school, the holiday sales!, the giving of gifts, the green, the red, the silver, the gold, santa, rudolph and the gang, the family home videos, the lazy days of winter, the smell of fireplaces burning, the holiday cheer. Love it, love it, love it all. Never get a bit tired of any of it.

God Bless You, Everyone!

One Week In

Last set of house photos, I swear. I know some of you are interested and requesting photos but there are still others who could not care less.

Witness. Christmas is in full swing at La Casa, inasmuch as christmas can swing sans Tree.


I can practically hear the reindeer's footsteps clacking on my roof.


That's a little Leonardo Da Vinci via the History Channel in the background. A perfect Advent accompanyment if you ask me.


Yeah! The newly installed refrigerator hosting many a christmas treat (and many a Thanksgiving leftover)


If you squint through the darkness you can see a stack ... ahem ... a mountain of boxes and plastic wrap. That's the trash. Ready as can be to find a new home. Wonder who's job that is.


Unplaced decor stacking up in this room, on the bed and furniture. I'm sure it will be sorted last. It did help in upping the box count in the hallway though.


Forgive the poor photo. It's hard to see from this angle but there are pencil markings surrounding the perimeter of that shelf. That shelf there, the one that almost became the bane of Dr. J's existince.


The official study/work area. We are currently accepting donations in the amount of $25. No personal checks please.