This should answer all of your questions about why I am so ... far from the norm

So I was talking on the phone to my mom the other day and in the middle of one of my stories, Mom starts making this, " pht phhhht bl phhhhhhht pleh pleh I though they plehh phhhht ... I thought they were giving ... phtttt pleh " sounds on the other end of the line.

Me: Mom? What are you doing? You thought they were giving you what?

Mom: Phhht, blpht pleh I thought they were pht pley giving me something to eat

Me: What? You thought who was giving you something to eat? What did they give you?

Mom: A bar of soap

[A full 45 seconds of guffawing laughter follows before I can muster the strength to continue. ]

Me: Where are you Mom?

Mom: I'm at the mall

My father then gets on the phone to clarify what happened. Dad says, "You know those Organic Salt of the Earth Kiosks that are always passing out lotions samples? We pass one and they have this tray full of two inch BLOCKS of soap, and your mother takes one and pops it in her mouth like candy."

Incidentally the people that work at those booths are always foreign. I can only imagine how impressed they were with the American way.

My mother will herein be referred to as the soapeater.

And as a side note, my dad wouldn't give my mom any money to go get something to eat (to get the taste out of her mouth) because she already ate.

But he got a sandwich.