Thursday, February 03, 2005

My Fairy Godmother Hates Me

There is an endless supply of evil, evil yumminess here.

You see, we have this awesome little perk here, if only you can eat twice your weight in ice cream every day and maintain a size zero. One of the worst parts is that someone here that fits into that category. I will consider it no small success if I can bide my time here and maintain my current weight class.

I know that lots of workplaces have dainty little candy dishes with little mints or maybe even really cool ones with Peanut M&Ms or Hershey's Kisses. Rubbish. That's the unwanted-ness that lingers in the bottom of our cornucopia of desire. It's ALL there - the Snickers, the KitKats, Twix, Butterfingers, Almond Joy, Reeces of every shape and size, all varieties of the once classic Hershey now stuffed with various nuts, krispies, white, dark - IT'S THERE! ALL THE TIME! And if you are thinking to yourself, I'm not a big chocolate fan - I could hold out, they've still got your number with the Taffy or Dots or Mike&Ikes or Gobstoppers - the list goes on and on! The torment continues with the every variety of lemon/lime/cherry/vanilla/original Coca Cola Sodas or root beer or tea or juice. Does this madness have an end, you ask? Actually no! Just a few weeks ago the Evil Fairy began stocking the breakroom with every form of Lays, Ruffles, Doritos, and Cheetos in the original/baked variety, alongside chewy/hard granola, goldfish, krispie treats, Little Debbie Snacks, Tollhouse Cookies ... and then ... you know what she did? what that little devil did????? She put OREOS.

If only they would charge me - even a dime - for any of this, my unabashed sense of cheapness combined with my feeble willpower MIGHT keep my hand out of the cookie jar but for crying out loud! Stop already!

As it is, I just try and take it a day at a time. Right about the time I just know I've got it under control, I find myself discarding the wrappings of an Oatmeal Cream Pie and wiping the crumbs from my shirt. Sigh.