Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Series beginning: Only Me

Many, many, many things from this weekend could be called Newsworthy, however since I am swamped with work and an overloaded personal agenda, a few stories will suffice. The most important of which comes from a little lesson I learned going through airport security on Thursday, and I defy you to show me anyone who has been taught a similar lesson.

So while trying to seem kool going through the bustle of declothing at airport security, I found myself in the all-too-common struggle of how to keep the boarding pass handy while taking off every article of clothing I was wearing. Stripping myself of my jacket, shoes, pants, shirt, whatever, required two hands so I was forced to place my boarding pass into my only free appendage, my lips. I did the polite folding-of-the-lips-back-over-my-teeth-so-as-to-not-get-the-piece-of-paper-wet-trick that I have been doing my whole life. Taking my jacket and shoes off required about 20 seconds at which time I was standing face-to-face with a large, beefy woman holding her hand out for me to give her my boarding pass.

Thus the fun began.

As I go to remove the boarding pass from my lips, the paper had completely adhered itself from one side of my bottom lip to the other. Tug. Tug. Nothing. I'm holding up the line and trying to move quickly, also getting quite nervous that this has no chance of ending pleasantly ... I start trying to push it off with my tongue. I'm not so sure if Beefy realized what was going on, if she did she certainly didn't find the fact I had a piece of paper pasted on my face in any way amusing - tug tug. Stuck. I'm wishing now I had torn the paper so that the piece that had become a part of my body could have eventually dissolved, but not having the privilege of hindsight, I firmly YANKED the paper and finally was able to free it from the hold it had on my mouth. However, the YANKING caused all of the skin on my lower lip to rip off and make this little smiley skin-line on the boarding pass and leave me with a bloody lip, trying to act as though nothing had happened.

It was only a matter of time until I started "Only Me". I've been cursed with this title since I was about two and a half. And there will be more.

No comments: