When is an A not the desired outcome?

Not sure there is much I can do to fit in at this wedding on Saturday. The girl across the table from me has an hour glass figure that would make Marilyn jealous and she can barely see over her ta tas to text.  Seriously.

Granted, they aren't natural but I assure you that she isn't checkin out my endowment with any jealousy. 

Status

You know what's substantially more difficult than taking care of twin 11 mo old boys all day long every day?
Doing it 
1. With no AC
2. When they are teething
3. And won't eat for 3 days
4. With no toys to play with
5. While grandparents stare at you wondering why your child is still screaming while they are trying to sit down to a peaceful meal
6. In Spanish
7. And you just want a break from the vacation which you are supposed to get from all the available babysitters
8. But they got tired of holding said boys on day 2 so back to #5
9. and were gonna go to the movies but the car is continually unavailable 
10. Therefore you spend each dusk catering margaritaville to an entire country of Mosquitos thirsting for your blood. 

Grass is always greener, eh?

Truth

I'd like to say
To the man passing gas on the plane yesterday and trying to pass it off as my baby. 

But that format has been played.  So I'll leave it at

We both know the truth. Unfortunately for you, I'm all too familiar with their particular variety of odor.  And that, was more akin to a greasy airport breakfast that you only got away with because you were traveling without your wife. 

Streeeeetch ... YAWN! [neck crack, back pop]

It is highly likely that this here blog is gonna be used again in the next few weeks. Not at all ironically, its original purpose will be revived: a journal of my trip to ColOmbia! The boys are going to visit the other half (the much larger half) of their family. In my mind, I envision Big Fat Greek Wedding style, minus the lamb on the spit ... but maybe plus a pig. You never know. So stay tuned ...