I found my life's mission statement on a napkin this weekend

Ahem.

There is nothing that a glass of wine and a good hair straightener can't fix.


If someone takes it upon themselves to write my biography post-mortem, please make sure that's the title. Or at least the subtitle. Do they subtitle books on the cover?? In any case, it needs to be on the cover.

Although I have found that a glass of wine can't fix preggo weight gain. And everyone that says it'll just fall off on its own is LYING. Come to think of it, no one related to me has ever said that it does. Just the frail people that shop in petites in the first place. DANG IT.

Things I wish I knew before becoming a parent, Ed 1

One day, you may be tempted to think that you can take a overly full diaper* off of one baby, run to the other room to get a clean diaper and come back ... but you can't. At least not before he pees on his brother. Who just had a bath.

*this is because you forgot to change his diaper several hours earlier when you knew he needed a change

How have I survived this long without one of these?

Hit me up wi' it this year, Dr. J.


Anyone think that my eyebrows will look as good as hers if I don a mini-hat?? Man, she looks happy.

Here I go again, solving one of life's biggest struggles

How often should you shave in the winter months, ladies???

State Holidays. BAM!

That's Thanksgiving, Christmas, MLK's Bday and Presidents Day HOLLA!!!!

If you party into the New Year, you outta add that one but I find it's still there if I kiss it good morning. Otherwise, you are in for the once a month ride with me.

Everyday Heroes

No! Benjamin! Don't kick Lucas in the head!!

Oh wait.

Lucas! Release Benjamin's leg and stop sucking on it!!



They grow up so fast.

Which may explain why there are no trick or treaters there anymore

I may be a little shaky on some of the details, but this is pretty much what happened.

My parents are on a diet and it's Halloween ... I know, right? Those three in combination are begging to collapse in on one another.

They live in a neighborhood that ... ahem, lacks many people under 3 feet tall (AKA trick or treaters), and in the last couple of years, this once bustling neighborhood hasn't seen many treaters. Still, Mom told Dad to pick up some candy before coming home on Friday and he got two bags of candy that he thought they wouldn't be tempted to eat, Bubblegum and single wrapped Starbursts.

Apparently as the weekend went on, Dad made the comment "we've gotta get rid of this candy" no less than a dozen times a day. They ended up throwing the Bubblegum at some kids that had just burst a pinata on Saturday night, so that bag didn't even make it to Sunday. On Sunday evening, still needing to "get rid of the candy" and the prospect of treaters was looking grim, Dad decides that he's going to take the candy to my Aunt's house. But, lo and behold!, he sees two trick or treaters coming to the door!!

Mom listens from the kitchen as he asks them all about their costumes, and if they like Starbursts (don't you remember those old guys that used to really make you work for it?). When he comes back, she asks him, how many Starbursts did you give them? To which he replies ...

One.

You can't imagine how hard it is to get a picture of both of them smiling

Two Scary Glo-in-the-Dark Skeletons


Where are you, dear photoshop?

We are so modern

Anyone see Modern Family that aired right after my last post??? Classic.

Dr. J just called me a Scary Cat when trying to tell me I'm a coward. Love it!!

Rugs, Beavers and Chupetas

What's a Blimplie? Or Blinky? I can't totally remember but there is some word that everyone on the planet seems to use for pacifier and they are always asking Lucas, Awwww ... did you lose your Blini?

First of all, that little man is not very dependent on his Blingy but that's not a real word anyway. I grew up calling them a "P" so if I was going to go all anacronym on my kids, I'd totally use that one. And why do people think they should superimpose their non-words in our home? I mean, we have plenty of non-words that we use in regular language, but we aren't non-word-pushers, you know?

The title refers to three non-words that are regularly used in our home, all of them refer to baby gear of some sort. Peek in the comments for the answers. Yes, all "created" from Dr. J's misuse of the English language and his wife's need to chastise him for it.

Sorta like golf

Dang.

I so wish I had kept a running tally of how many times I've been vomited on (something I was pretty certain I would never be able to tolerate but now I'm willing to sacrifice to save the furniture at all costs) vs how many times Dr. J has taken the blow.

Dr. J went into neurogenic shock the first time it happened to him. I took it better than expected. It was kinda warm ... like getting baptized (my 9 year old self was pleasantly surprised when that took place) but sour smelling.

Not really a game you want to win, but we're playing anyway. Our weekend tally alone was about 3-4 Me.

Go me.

A New Hope

Sunday when we were flying around the house trying to get ready for the boys’ first day in nursery, Dr. J picked up the bouncy seat with somebody* in it and starts making engine sounds. As he is walking away I hear him tell what’s-his-face** something about a spaceship and I immediately start trying to intervene.

How about a plane?? Does it have to be a ...

Dr. J interrupts about the time I say “does” and shouts back “there are no wings!! It has to be a spaceship!!!”

God help us. They’ll have spock ears before they can walk. Yes I realize my post title references Star Wars, not Star Trek. If you even knew that and were offended by the liberty I took, you are part of the problem. I suppose there are those that will side with Dr. J on this. (this still supports my point though)

* this is what we call either of them when we are in a hurry and can't think of who is in front of us

** this too. Amazing how quickly we got to this point.

In Training

Even if we won't be going to our own Superbowl, I'm not going to raise fair weather fans. Go Cowboys!!!

Here, the boys are ready to accept endorsement offers (or donations for diapers, whatever).

MidWeek Blues

Why do I always seem to be so unwilling to take a shower on Wednesdays? I suppose if I knew the answer to that I'd also be able to respond to my bi-monthly leg shaving sessions. I think I have one coming up in a fortnight or so, actually.

Update on Lucas

Sorry I haven't given an update - I couldn't do it from my phone for some reason and never got to a computer till now. Thank you so much for your prayers, we still need them!

Things aren't completely settled yet. The doc said the surgery went well ... the post surgery fall out has been a roller coaster. He had a day of no eating, way too heavy of painkillers, then a day of mediocre eating, then a day of vomiting, then a better day, followed by another day of vomiting ... which took us back to the doctor today. This poor guy can't catch a break and he's really too small to do this for too long. His personality is returning and he isn't dehydrated, so hopefully small progress is good enough.

I have a great story to tell about my neighbors, but it'll have to wait. Gotta get some sleep!

Say a prayer for my baby, Lucas

Yesterday when we went to get lucas' casts changed for new ones (a weekly event), we were surprised with the decision by his doctor to do surgery on his feet .... Today. We had been told each week that the feet looked good and we could probably avoid surgery. It has been a hectic and anxious 24 hours. I'll be so glad when this is behind us.

Starved for even a mild form of adult entertainment

I just had the most exciting daydream about a vacuum.



?

Oh So Sleepy

A couple of preemies in your house really make you cut back on the sleep. I console myself by using them as hand puppets and having them role play.

Hands down, best reason to have twins. I'm definitely taking suggestions for various characters or scenarios they can play out.

This shouldn't surprise anyone

I don't have Anne Geddes photos, calendars, thank you cards or any of the like. The only thing I actually have in common with Angela, on the office, is that I think it would be pretty great to keep a 20lb cat in the bottom drawer of your filing cabinet at work.

Anyway, the boys got to have a free photo shoot a few weeks ago because a local photographer wanted some twinfants (how's that for twin lingo?) for her portfolio. It never really occurred to me that the free shoot would come saddled with restrictions meaning that I had no say in what types of photos were going to be taken. I had several coordinating onesies set out and I even showered that day.

It wasn't to be. The image I had in my head of Benjamin in his truck onesie and Lucas in his tricycle onesie was shattered when the photographer told me she brought her own outfits.

And I looked on the floor and saw a beige, crocheted hat with mouse ears on it.

MOUSE EARS.

I had to get out of there and fast. I smiled (probably smirked) politely and then retreated to the kitchen where I busied myself making lunch. After about 1/2 an hour (don't worry ... Dr. J was with them) I took a deep breath and went in to check on their progress, only to find them naked and in a bowl.

If I hadn't been breastfeeding I probably would have drank a whole bottle of wine with a straw.

Crisis averted

I am proud to announce that both boys are Beatles fans. Right now it appears they prefer the early years, but they are only six weeks old after all. Abbey road has time.

A Guest Post from the Boys

[A rhythmic morse code of nom, nom. Nom nom nom. Mmmmnnnuu. Nom ... Followed by miniature elephant sounds and a series of monkey squaks.]


Allow me to interpret.



Lucas: Dude. You are soooooo needy. Mom can't even open her computer without you being strapped to her chest in that kangaroo pouch thingy.

Benjamin: Whatevs. You have casts.

Lucas: That's what you got for me? That's all you can come up with?? So lame. Clearly, we can see who is the dominant personality here.

Benjamin: What's with your elephant noises anyway?

Lucas: I don't need to dignify that. And it's totally your fault that mom had to give up the nursing. Those were some nice ta tas.

Benjamin: I've had better.

Lucas: I will cut you, boy.

That's when I walked in to stop the argument only to find them like this. Quite the feisty bunch.

(lucas left and top, benjamin on right