Oh So Sleepy

A couple of preemies in your house really make you cut back on the sleep. I console myself by using them as hand puppets and having them role play.

Hands down, best reason to have twins. I'm definitely taking suggestions for various characters or scenarios they can play out.

This shouldn't surprise anyone

I don't have Anne Geddes photos, calendars, thank you cards or any of the like. The only thing I actually have in common with Angela, on the office, is that I think it would be pretty great to keep a 20lb cat in the bottom drawer of your filing cabinet at work.

Anyway, the boys got to have a free photo shoot a few weeks ago because a local photographer wanted some twinfants (how's that for twin lingo?) for her portfolio. It never really occurred to me that the free shoot would come saddled with restrictions meaning that I had no say in what types of photos were going to be taken. I had several coordinating onesies set out and I even showered that day.

It wasn't to be. The image I had in my head of Benjamin in his truck onesie and Lucas in his tricycle onesie was shattered when the photographer told me she brought her own outfits.

And I looked on the floor and saw a beige, crocheted hat with mouse ears on it.

MOUSE EARS.

I had to get out of there and fast. I smiled (probably smirked) politely and then retreated to the kitchen where I busied myself making lunch. After about 1/2 an hour (don't worry ... Dr. J was with them) I took a deep breath and went in to check on their progress, only to find them naked and in a bowl.

If I hadn't been breastfeeding I probably would have drank a whole bottle of wine with a straw.

Crisis averted

I am proud to announce that both boys are Beatles fans. Right now it appears they prefer the early years, but they are only six weeks old after all. Abbey road has time.

A Guest Post from the Boys

[A rhythmic morse code of nom, nom. Nom nom nom. Mmmmnnnuu. Nom ... Followed by miniature elephant sounds and a series of monkey squaks.]


Allow me to interpret.



Lucas: Dude. You are soooooo needy. Mom can't even open her computer without you being strapped to her chest in that kangaroo pouch thingy.

Benjamin: Whatevs. You have casts.

Lucas: That's what you got for me? That's all you can come up with?? So lame. Clearly, we can see who is the dominant personality here.

Benjamin: What's with your elephant noises anyway?

Lucas: I don't need to dignify that. And it's totally your fault that mom had to give up the nursing. Those were some nice ta tas.

Benjamin: I've had better.

Lucas: I will cut you, boy.

That's when I walked in to stop the argument only to find them like this. Quite the feisty bunch.

(lucas left and top, benjamin on right

My boys are home!!

They are both on monitors, which is scary and comforting all at the same time. And now, a different type of sleepless nights begins.

Beating up on the less fortunate

[cue background music: Dada ... Da ..ta .. Da .. I'm just a milk machine]

[irrelevant to this post but worth noting that I could really use a third boob over here]

Yesterday, on top of all the other madness, I had this bizarre swelling that looked like a baseball was stuck on the inside arch of my right foot, so I called the doctor just to see. Ya know, because maybe someone did lose their baseball.

Normally, this would still be something I'd ignore, but sometime at the end of last fall, I was diagnosed with some kind of clotting disorder that was never really explained to me and I was too distracted with iVF to ask so I was like ... Oh, ok .... Yeah ... So just take this shot every day and that should do it???? Cool. Peace out.

The clotting turned out to be quite the issue and the cause of the emergency c-section. Blah blah, so I called the doc and he had me get a thing done on my leg at the hospital ( they didn't find anything and it turned out not to be a baseball, go figure!). Anyway, so I'm trying to rest, trying to take care of the boys, then also the leg thingy. When I go to the appointment, they ask me if I want a wheelchair since it's a long walk to cardio. Dr j gives me this stern look so I obligingly agree to chair it.

Then they proceed to send in this 95year old candy striper to wheel me down the hallway. Awesome. The eldest golden girl is using me to work out her morning arthritis kinks.

Right after that, I went to the bathroom and felt justified to use the handicapped stall because of all my many ailments .... And when I came out there was a wheelchair sitting outside of one of the regular stalls. And as I washed my hands I hung my head in shame and horror as a woman with one leg came out and hopped over to her chair.

I can't show my face there ever again.

Finally ... photos!!

Quick update and then back to blog stories because you know the ridiculous-ness that surrounds me isn't going to slow down just because there are babies here, right??

Update: Benjamin and Lucas were both re-admitted into special care on Sunday, which was very nerve-wracking for a million reasons ... many of them rhyming with shormonal. I was discharged from the hospital on Monday but with the boys here, it's not like I'm gonna sit around the house watching Days of our Lives (I'm sure it's really awesome though, Ashley) so we spend our days at the hospital and go in for all their feedings, do diaper changes ... stay involved as much as we can. Benjamin is being treated for jaundice and Lucas for respiratory (sp?) and dehydration. Both of them just weren't getting enough nutrition too. Basically, we had two days of honeymoon and then the boys just remembered how small (and cute!) they are and were just exhausted. So they're on lots of monitors which were scary at first, but after you sit there a few days, you don't notice them anymore ... and you hear the doctors talk to the parents with the REALLY sick kids and you thank God for all your blessings. Plus, our friends are amazing and we get so much support. Someday when I am hydrated and well rested, I'll try and remember to thank them all.

Dr. J has been taking a storm of photos and videos. Yesterday we were watching a few videos only to realize that we had about a dozen of Lucas and 1 of Benjamin ... and so it begins. Lucas just has the craziest expressions and so many of them (see, I'm already trying to defend bad parenting from the get-go). Oh, and our kids already have a reputation in this hospital for their poop. I've had no less than 8 different nurses come to me with poop stories (mind you, they are 6 days old) ... most are about Benjamin, but Lucas is catching up.Enjoy some early looks!!Above: Lucas close up, about an hour old.
Below: Benjamin, just after his first bath

I ended up with a true emergency c-section under full anesthesia ... here I am meeting my little darlings for the first time, barely alert ... I definitely couldn't have quoted my full SSN at this moment, but they let me hold them nonetheless. I guess when mom still hasn't met her babies 12 hours later, people start to have a little guilt.



All cleaned up, and ripe for snuggling. Two little burritos.




Tada!! Posed for the hospital official photo. In case you are wondering, they are (of course) the cutest babies at the hospital. Benjamin is in blue, Lucas is in green.

Introducing ...

Benjamin weighing in at 5 lbs and 18 1/2 in, and Lucas weighing in at 4 lbs 4 oz, 17 in.

They were supposed to arrive via scheduled cesarian next Wednesday but baby boy Lucas had other plans and he broke my water on Thursday just as my mom and I were about to have dinner. I definitely want to tell the rest of this story but I know I wont have much uninterrupted time here in the hospital.

For now, I'm completely in love with these babies. They are healthy and doing exceptionally well, especially for premees. They only spent about 5 hours in special care before being released to the regular nursery. Lucas, like his Daddy, has two clubbed feet. While dr. J's feet may be hideous, they work perfectly fine and that was 35 years ago. We will see a pediatric orthopedic next week sometime.

We have taken a million photos, but haven't yet had the strength to boot up the computer.

One week more

If I can handle all this great "rest" for another week, then wormy and squirmy will reach their goal date in utero. That will put them at 36 weeks and 4 days. So we are officially scheduled for next Wednesday. There is still plenty to do to get ready but I'm almost too overwhelmed to do any of it.

The hardest thing about bedrest

I think I can confidently say of myself that I fall into the category of people who are self sufficient. (stop snickering) Even getting married was a mental leap for me at the age of 27 as though I was saying to the world that I was willing to be a dependent or even that I was willing to share a spot on my couch.

Who am I kidding ... I still don't share the couch. See how patient Dr. J is?

Bed rest (is that one word or two?) requires that I ask people to do everything for me. It's not that I can't do things ... it's that I'm not supposed to do it. That's the tough part, I CAN do it. (also writing on a computer while you are sideways pretty much gives me seizures so that's one activity that is quickly going by the way side)

However, the absolute WORST thing about bed rest is that yesterday, my mom made brownies ... with raspberry chocolate chips in them ... and they are sitting in the kitchen. It pretty much sucks all the fun out of sneaking extra brownies when you have to ask someone to bring you one ... and then when you finally can stand it no more and you break down and ask for a brownie, they respond with "are you sure?" In my mind, I punched him with a giant boxing glove that shot out from the end of a massive spring, causing him to spin around like a Looney Toons Character until he saw a rotating halo of stars and little chirping chicks. OF COURSE I'M SURE! HELLOOOOOOOOO! Pregnant, twins, bedrest, severe back pain, birthday, brownies with raspberry chips???? Any of this ringing a bell??

To husbands everywhere I beseech you - if your wife finds herself in this situation, bring her a PAN of brownies and a FORK. Then turn your back, and walk away.

Timing

I truly am only encouraged. Considering twins and all, I've had a great pregnancy. Boys have been fine and all my ailments are certainly things that will pass and I will recover from. So we are now literally two ish weeks from meeting these little guys. Today we got the first pic of Lucas that we have ever seen, he is just so camera shy!

Two weeks of bed rest is nothing. I know, you all think I will go crazy. I can do anything for two weeks and I'll be giddy if the rest keeps the boys happy and growing. Fortunately, today was the release date for the new Harry potter Lego game. I never thought I'd be someone that anticipated a video game release but this combines two of my favorite things. And now I have an excuse to play it incessantly when I ought to be doing things to get ready for the boys.

Pray for all of us. I'm not nervous, we have such great doctors and we have already made it so far. Just gotta sit this out!

Will the fun ever end?

Last night I was telling of all the ... ummm ... experiences .... we have had with the former owners of our house in one sitting. When I actually said them all together like that, it truly sounded insane. Ready for the latest?

- they have actually been taking our mail from our mailbox (and our friends thought we were crazy for refusing to move in anything until we changed the locks)

- yesterday he showed up to collect 2 pieces of mail that we received by accident ... and he asked that "if I don't mind" could he take our satellite dish?

Something tells me that he has the Sabbath Oven programmed to attack our first-born, poor Lucas. I have no idea what to think of this guy, except that I'm pretty ready to charge him a $5 fee for each piece of mail I store for him. That sounds fair considering everything, right?

Ahhhhh ... sweet relief

FINALLY we have AC on both floors of the house. The master is downstairs - obviously, this is the floor that had no AC. It's not worth the story of getting the AC fixed, it's not that interesting.

Today it is 72 degrees in my room. And in my bathroom. The greatest part is that when you stand with your barefeet on the air vent, it feels like ice. And when you sit on the toilet, it feels like you are sitting on a refrigerator shelf. Back when I was human, I am relatively certain that this would not have been a good thing. Now that I am carrying around a small alien planet in my tummy, I think I am actually trying to think of reasons to drop trou and visit the john.

The trifecta is in the master bath. When you sit on the icy toilet, you can rest your feet on the frozen air vent ... and recline on the chilly ceramic lid. How 'bout it?

The two week challenge

Activia commercials are funny to me. But I really love the guy with the blue phone selling some kind of insurance with vanishing deductibles. Him and his crazy ways. selling whatever he sells.

and this is how i am spending my afternoons. it looks hot outside, i really wouldn't know.

The Ultimate Upgrade

"It must be an upgrade" is the theme of our new home. Mostly because the previous owners really tried to milk us based on the upgrades they had done. They did put in wood floors downstairs and granite countertops in the kitchen, but the spotty stain job and the bulk of caulk pouring out of every crevice of the kitchen left much to be desired.

Other noteworthy upgrades:

- 10 - 20 blue push pins in the dry wall in every room
- sponge paint ... pink, to boot
- the hardware had all been switched to what I like to call gold lame'. There are those who love it (Charlie's Angels, Liberace), I don't hold it against them, it's just not us.
- imaginary lines drawn where they wanted to change paint colors mid-wall
- the "drawers" in the refrigerator were converted to immovable cubbies with no front door
- the blinds alternate cream/white/cream on several windows
- a large steel hook sturdy enough to hoist a small family was screwed into the frame between the kitchen and living room.

There are more, but why bore you with them all at once? The upgrade that was the single greatest source of pride from this family was the oven that they had installed. This oven (less than two years old, knobs already broken off) has the ability to create a downdraft so that the cooking odors are taken down and out of the home. This is important if you cook a lot of Indian food, less important to someone that roasts a lot of veggies in the oven.

This oven has been a great source of stress, the control panel on it is complicated and difficult to work with. Ashley came over the other day and was finally able to turn off a timer that I had not been able to clear for TWO DAYS. This morning, my mother and I successfully tackled the clock and got it out of military time. However, as we flipped through the setup options of the oven, we came across this screen:


No words.

It takes a village ...

So far, we are in ... Mostly through dr j's efforts. And oh so many countless others! Sadly, we are still mostly in boxes and Mona is in heaven with all there is to explore. Check out this list of saints -

- Some of my darling former students painted one of the babies' rooms.
- Ashley took charge of where to place things during the move since I had to work.
- Wendy has opened countless boxes and helped me go to the store and buy supplies. She also entertained me and played wii when my mind was bored but my body was useless.
- Adam had moved furniture and moved furniture and moved furniture.
- Mack, barret, doug, geoff, John helped move ALL the stuff from point a to point b and were patient enough to help rearrange it.
- Wendy and Pamela helped clean my bathrooms prior to move in date.
- More former students are coming over this week to help paint and organize.
- Cj is bringing us food tomorrow night for dinner!

God bless all our friends!!

A new level of manipulation

Because this is my story and my life, it truly was impossible to imagine that all would go down without incident. True to life's gentle promises, we had a bit of a snafu Friday at closing.

The (now) former owners of the house tried to scrape every last penny from us that they could in the last few weeks. When we did the walkthrough before closing on Friday and the owner was there, we were less than thrilled. At one point when dr. J left me alone, she let me know that she had left a baby gate in the garage if we were interested. I was, but I almost told her to just toss it, assuming this would somehow end up on our final bill.

Fast forward a few hours to closing. Dr. J and I are signing a smorgasboard of paperwork with our realtor M and attorney. M notices that the owners have arrived so he goes to greet them and let them know we will be done shortly. But he come back with this odd smirk on his face. The owner told M that it was against their religion to do a cash transaction on Fridays. however, they can make an exception if we give them $5. Dr. J is deep in conversation with the attorney when M tells me this, and I completely lose all sense of professionalism and church giggle uncontrollably for the next 10 ish minutes.

Here are my thoughts, in no particular order:

- does his religion also prohibit them from notifying people of their religious restrictions on cash transactions in advance?
- how is this even their transaction, we are the buyers!
- ok so the religion permits sets of transactions. One was bad but two is good?

M and I scrape together $4.25 between the two of us, both believing that it is much more likely that we are funding their gas money than anything else. Dr J. finally notices my irrational snickering, so I go ahead and ask him if he has 75 cents. He doesn't even let me finish my question before he cuts me off, tells me he doesn't even want to know what is going on, fishes a buck from his wallet and tosses it to me like I was a pole dancer.

I can't say I've done heavy investigating on the matter but after about ten minutes of googles, my searches for religious prohibition of cash transactions on Friday proved fruitless. We have both resigned ourselves to the belief that we did, indeed, pay for a baby gate. Since M pitched in $2, we are calling it M's gate. Thanks man.

Every Man's Dream

And so go the house closings. Our first is today, closing on the home that we shared for the first 5 years of our marriage. Hopefully the second closing will be tomorrow. There have been a lot of hiccups in this home's progress, but I'm ignoring all that and assuming it will work out.

In any case, we are celebrating the sale of our first home today by making the first purchase for our next home. We'll head straight to Best Buy to purchase a ...

[drum roll]

a new vacuum!!

Our current vacuum was purchased for $75 when I was in grad school and has more than fulfilled its expectations. It has only survived 9 years because we haven't had many carpets in the house in general. Good job, little guy.

What a good man I have to let me take advantage of the 20% off of Dyson vacs before The TV Purchase. Dr. J has long awaited The TV Purchase. Much to the chagrin to our friends that are forced to watch Lost at our house, we have a 32" tube, that was generously handed down to me when my tv exploded about a week before moving from St. Louis to SC. It's still going strong, Erika! And now it's probably going to go strong in the guest room.

Plus, I personally love that The TV Purchase is going to happen right after Dr. J got his tenure. You deserve it babe!!

From whom all blessings flow

We've got a lot to be thankful for right now.

.... we have an unimaginable amount of stress, hence the posting at 4:30 a.m., but we've got more to be thankful for.

Near the top of that list is the survival of my grandparents from yet another tornado. These are two of the Godliest people that ever walked the earth, truly. Somehow, they have managed to ride their faith well into their senility. In case any of you are wondering, they do not do frequent local weather updates on either Larry King or on CNN. So if you are a political junkie, you may or may not be notified when there are two tornadoes passing through your town.

And if you are my grandparents, you will probably drive downtown looking for a good squash. Lord knows, if you don't get there in a timely manner, someone else is gonna get your squash.

As jawdropping as their continued behavior in the face of natural disasters may be, I think we (the family) have resigned ourselves to their stubbornness. Perhaps we all just need to up our prayers for their safety during tornado season.

Any of you reading this that actually know me, must be thinking by now ... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yes, I'm well aware of the irony here. And I'll close by saying that I can only hope to have the stamina to make homemade biscuits for my grandkids early in the morning AND stay up until 10 pm to watch Larry King when I'm 88 years old.

Rock on, Grandmother. Live it up.

Trauma Drama

So we are officially out of our house. Our first house that we lived in together as a married couple.

Pause for nostalgic purposes...

Well, we might have had a minute to consider this step in our journey together if only MONA HAD NOT LOST HER SANITY LAST NIGHT!

Mona has stayed with friends before, when we went out of town. She is often depressed when we leave her alone, so if we can, we find a place for her to stay. Oh dear God, I hope she's never done this to anyone else.

So what did she do?

We arrived about 9:30 pm, to our temporary home away from home, and Mona sat silent for approximately 12 minutes .... before the howling began. The howling and the crying that continued as we slept - correction - tried to sleep. About half way through the night she started propelling herself into the air, doing front flips like an Olympic Cat Gymnast, landing on her back on the bed, all the while continuing to cry. Gold medal performance for sure.

What on earth???????? She did at least 30 of those flips. FLIPS! That ended with her laying on her back! Without a doubt, we've been the cause of the most traumatic event in her kitten life.

So goodbye, little house. You were a good little house. You were all my little kitty ever needed.