Perplexed

- The glue stick that was a included for free in a pack of Duracell batteries ... what do they think I'm going to do with those batteries that is gonna result in me needing a glue stick?

- Why can't celery taste more like Cheez Its? Since I'm dreaming, I'm gonna go ahead and request the white cheddar or baby swiss variety.

- A student (teenager) tried to reassure and comfort me by reminding me that "I still have my health"? Isn't 33 the new 20? or something

- Haven't seen an Aggie game on TV in years, they air 3 here so far this year, we blow em all. This is the saddest of all my ponderings.

- The boys always take their best naps on Saturday, when I'm either out getting a little time to myself or I'm here at the house with a second set of hands. Curses.

- the only baseball teams I've ever rooted for are the Rangers and the Cardinals. Can't help but root for my roots - Go Rangers!

Incidentally, I am writing tonight because I'm pretty sure it's the first time I've sat down since July.

Before and After

Creative freedom to any reader who wants to fill in the dialogue.

TWO 12-mo olds at my house

I had planned to post these sooner but my BFF decided to have herself a baby the next day. I'd share more about that story but this is about B & L. So, some other time, Lucy.

It was such a busy day, Papaw woke the boys up early, they were excited to be a whole year old!!

The Things had so much to do, Lucas was in charge of greeting guests at the door and Benjamin was going to lead a reading at storytime























Papaw, Noni and Uncle Austin came for the big day as well as lots of great friends.
























There were oh so many cakes,























There was some initial trepidation, as the Things weren't sure what to make of such a large puff. That was red.
























Eventually, the Things loved their cakes.
























But they thought they were going to get to eat the whole thing and were sad when Mommy took it away. Luckily, Thing 1 was plotting ahead and kept a reserve in his chair / hair.

When is an A not the desired outcome?

Not sure there is much I can do to fit in at this wedding on Saturday. The girl across the table from me has an hour glass figure that would make Marilyn jealous and she can barely see over her ta tas to text.  Seriously.

Granted, they aren't natural but I assure you that she isn't checkin out my endowment with any jealousy. 

Status

You know what's substantially more difficult than taking care of twin 11 mo old boys all day long every day?
Doing it 
1. With no AC
2. When they are teething
3. And won't eat for 3 days
4. With no toys to play with
5. While grandparents stare at you wondering why your child is still screaming while they are trying to sit down to a peaceful meal
6. In Spanish
7. And you just want a break from the vacation which you are supposed to get from all the available babysitters
8. But they got tired of holding said boys on day 2 so back to #5
9. and were gonna go to the movies but the car is continually unavailable 
10. Therefore you spend each dusk catering margaritaville to an entire country of Mosquitos thirsting for your blood. 

Grass is always greener, eh?

Truth

I'd like to say
To the man passing gas on the plane yesterday and trying to pass it off as my baby. 

But that format has been played.  So I'll leave it at

We both know the truth. Unfortunately for you, I'm all too familiar with their particular variety of odor.  And that, was more akin to a greasy airport breakfast that you only got away with because you were traveling without your wife. 

Streeeeetch ... YAWN! [neck crack, back pop]

It is highly likely that this here blog is gonna be used again in the next few weeks. Not at all ironically, its original purpose will be revived: a journal of my trip to ColOmbia! The boys are going to visit the other half (the much larger half) of their family. In my mind, I envision Big Fat Greek Wedding style, minus the lamb on the spit ... but maybe plus a pig. You never know. So stay tuned ...

Growing personalities

My guys are delayed in pretty much all developmental categories except for personality - which is and always has been STRONG. Incidentally, I fully predict that our cul-de-sac neighbors are in for a few years worth of naked boys streaking in the front lawn. I had no idea that nakedness was so fun. Or that pulling on your little man parts was so crazy addicting. I hear via the grapevine (my aunt) that they get this heartwarming trait from my cousin, Preston. I'm sure he's grown out of it by now - you know, being 30 and all - but I don't live close enough to him to know for sure.

Benjamin is a boy's boy the way John Wayne is a man's man. Loud. Rough. Toy thief. Why would he even consider crawling when jumping and bouncing is so much fun? This used to require a jumper. Now if you just balance him, he'll take care of the action. And watch out for your lower lip, he's already busted mine a couple times. This is one happy boy that you just can't get down. and a bottomless pit, he will not regulate how much food he needs. Ever seen a family with a 35 lb cat who just eats all the time because it's there? Yeah. Pretty much.

Lucas is like a menstruating teenager. He can be the most fun, the huggiest, the sweetest little boy you ever saw. Oh and he dances every time the music is on. That little mid-section just gets to going (PRECIOUS!). But then absolutely nothing happens and the fun is over with him. And it's horror film ugly. Of course, get him naked and let him yank on those man parts and back to happy. How many years do I let this behavior be acceptable? For all I know, men all over the world feel like this well into their senior citizen years.

Why do I feel like I'm gonna be revisiting this topic in about 13 years?

For shoppers out there that like a discount

Jenny had this posted on her southern savers blog (which rocks by the way - massive savings to be had). But if you aren't already a member of Rue La La, you can get a $20 credit to your account by joining "through" another person. You hahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifve to join by 4/25 and use the credit by 5/25.

Rue la la stocks all kinds of things. $20 is worth trying out, even if you don't use it. Click here to join!

Times, they are a'changin!

Blogging is tough, man. I used to sit in front of a computer at work for about 11 hours a day doing Excel (yes, call me if you need help) and random softwares you've never heard of unless you have a MS in CE or have your SE. Right. Whatevs. But yeah, back then, blog and blog away!

So after NOT twittering for about 5 years I have given in, I'm definitely finding it much easier to stay connected there since

1. when on earth am I supposed to be able to watch the news or read blogs
2. my phone's in my hand 24/7 since I video the boys incessantly
3. i have no one to talk to most of the day and now I talk to my phone. literally.

I've never been so informed of local news (thanks Adam!) and I still get a good bit of celeb gossip - utmost importance, clearly. I'm still a newbie and all the acronyms and alphanumeric madness is still lost on me, but I'm guessin that'll come with time.

Bet you've never had this kind of surprise birthday

Dr. J's birthday this year falls on Father's Day AND both occur while we are out of the country. Incidentally, 11 days later is my birthday, the boys' birthday is 8 days after that and then our anniversary is (by comparison) a distant 22 days later.

We pretty much have Advent season and birthday season here.

Anyway, so this year I've decided that Dr. J's birthday is not on June 19, it's on a surprise day of my choosing. We will wake up and SURPRISE! it's your birthday!! He is completely aware that he has a surprise birthday this year and it is a fully planned event ... he just doesn't know of the event or the day that it will take place.

HOW MUCH FUN IS THAT?!?!?

I'm getting super excited about it and Dr. J's anticipation grows with each passing day that isn't his surprise day.

What do you think? Would you love this or hate it??

Newsworthy to some, Monumental to me

Lately, I've been the "one" that gets to rotate the public toilet paper dispenser to a fresh roll all over town.  I've been denied this privilege entire life.  

Now I'm ...

(You know I can't help myself)

On a roll. 

Top ten things I've grown to love since having babies

1.  Push up bras
2.  Push up bras
3.  Push up bras
4.  Push up bras
5.  Push up bras
6.  Push up bras
7.  Push up bras
8.  Push up bras
9.  Push up bras
10. Naptime

A wink to let you know I'm alive

We have had crazy madness at the house lately, I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged.  Sick babies is some craziness like I've never dreamed (because I'm not a masochist) and I'm glad we are through it.  
Today is my day off.  
I've had so many things go right today that I'm glowing like an idiot, without a care in the world and getting a pedicure while reading twilight (well, right now I'm blogging).  I got to have lunch with a friend that I never get to spend the time with that I wish I could.  Seconded by my impromptu shopping spree wherein I scored an amazing dress for $15 and a dressy top for $11 (sorry dr. J!) 

So here I am, blogging, in the dark, with only my left thumb

Truly dr j is amazing because he did most of the work last night. Lucas has his first bad cold and he can't breathe, which apparently also means he can't sleep in his bed, or a bouncy seat, nowhere except in mom or dads arms. (you will kindly remember I'm thumbing this post and be forgiving about grammar.)

So Lucas has continually been held since about 7pm yesterday and I was hoping once I got hisnose clear that he'd sleep on his own. Wrong! And now the rodeo clown (Benjamins new call sign - video of new found love of jumping soon to follow) is now a part of the picture. Thank god papaw is in town!!! Seeriously we look like a circus over here.

So wish us well this weekend, because dr j and papaw leave town Sunday night and Monday morning. I'm literally trembling with fear.

I just sent this text to the eldest of my valentines.

"When u get home I'd like to go get white wine and baby formula, in that order."

Tonight is gonna rock.

Aspirations

When I worked at a middle school once upon a time, there was this kid whose parents were called in because he was farting in class. Good people, gassey boy. How embarrassing for those parents.

I see this as my future.

The boys gassy-ness is so out of control that they fart every time they sneeze. A couple of my friends find it their duty to tell me every time they fart. I'm not sure what they want me to do about it. I mean, I totally outgrew the sneeze-fart thing like way back in college.

If they were girls, I'm sure this would right itself in it's own. I have a feeling my guys are gonna be dueling gassey violins on Letterman someday.

Everyday Heroes

B: I eat schmucks like you for breakfast. And if you take candy from babies, I'm your worst nightmare.


L: What are you lookin at? It's a cape, not a bib. And if you're smart, you'll keep your mouth shut. That is if you ever want me to save your daughter from a runaway train while she's tied down and gagged between rail ties. Which I will totally do, if she's hot.

Things I don't understand

In no particular order. And this is no where near a complete list.

1.  Socks with sandals (this includes pantyhose with open toed shoes)
2.  People that put syrup, peanut butter and ketchup in the fridge (exception: all natural pb should be in fridge)
3.  The world's fascination with aliens that are slimy/green/have tentacles/one eye in the center of their head. 
4.  Leaving toilet lids open. Yuck. Seriously. 
5.  Tomatoes.  I really love them.  But you gotta admit they are strange when you really look at them. 
6.  Tomato sauce.  How on earth is that formed from tomatoes (see #5)
7.  Old Man and the Sea. I don't really want to either. 
8.  Freckles. 
9.  Why brown bubbling beverages look appetizing and thirst quenching.  I'm on board but it makes no sense. 
10.  People still sporting poofy bangs from the 80s. Is there another decade that a handful of people are clinging to?  How do you walk through target, not see anyone else sporting hair several inches above their frontal lobe, and not wonder if perhaps you've missed a decade?  Or three.